Thank you for always being so real,honest,true,strong and beautifully you.xoxox
I agree. Vashti’s honesty and emotions are very inspirational. We are here to support Vashti, as Vashti is to support us.
There are no words to make it easy, which is dicifil. We can only try to make you our great affection, from a distance give our full support. And at the same time time to thank you for sharing your feelings. We all understand how hard it is, and so we thank you with all my soul. You’re great, and always inspiring. Much love, many kisses, much encouragement, and a giant hug from Spain.
Thank you for this wonderful, honest and insightful video, and as always, for ‘keeping it real’! That’s why I love your blog and I read or watch everything you post…….I always feel as though I’ve walked away with an important life lesson and reaffirms the importance to enjoying life to the fullest and following your dreams. Thanks again Vashti. xx
Thank you for sharing, you are such an inspiration to so many, me included……….your words are truly encouraging and have brought a new light to my little world
Thank you for always be so encouraging and honest, and just sharing this with all of us! You’re such an inspiration to me and I’m sure to others!!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us, dear Vashti. Your beautiful husband and us will always be with you, supporting you, from a distance, great or small. I’m not sure if you’re fully aware of how much support we get from you through your knowledge, experiences, and sharings. You, just as much as Andy did/does/will always do, inspire people all over the world to try and make the best of their lives. Sending much love your and your little family’s way. Kisses and hugs from Brazil.
I know this Situation of Mind versus Heart or being moved without being actually sad you’re speaking of so well. Thx for sharing your thoughts. Love and strength for you and your little ones.
My drear Vashti,
Gratitude for bearing all for us I’m so touched that on such an emotional big 48 hours and huge mark for you and the cubs that not only have I had the honour and privilege of not only connecting with you on your fabulous 2nd spreecast but also able to read your post and to my over whelming surprise get to once more see and feel and learn from you once more!
You have just gave me a peice of mind I have been needing since we began this beautiful homage to our amassing champion, your soul mate Andy at the beginning of this year.
And that is that this is very much the fact that MMQ in its intierdy is helping you threw your one life!
(I hope I don’t affend when I say what it is I’m going to say)
I had some times felt a bit guilty for getting and being able to use so much of what MMQ is and so much of what you yourself give to all of us that I felt like I was using up your pretious time and not returning anything for you my dear Vashti!!
Today I am feeling a bit differently and you have gave me a new view of our MMQ family. And that’s just it we are a family, the children always needing wanting more, the great aunt if you will that is stuck in her ways and says and does stuff that leave everyone else in “I can’t believe she just said that” moment! All though there is so many aspects to our family I want to say thank you for being our Matriarch!
The one who holds everything together the one who sacrifices so much of herself for the good of the family but also gets so much out of stepping back and taking in what she has made and helped blossom in to a great place called HOME.
I cried along with you – like Dolly Parton said in Steel Magnolias “I have a strict policy that no one cries alone in my presence.” As ever I’m equal parts inspired by you and in awe of you.
I can’t understand how anyone could doubt the commitment behind the Be Here Now documentary. I’ve never doubted my small contribution would do anything other than go towards an amazing and necessary documentation of the life and passing of a great man. Kudos to you for maintaining positivity in the face of that bollocks! (Sometimes there’s no better word.)
Hugs to you and the cubs, and wishing you more sweet waves than drenching ones.
Dear Vashti, i just want to thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.you are such an inspiration! You are an amazing woman and I can only hope to be half as strong as you are in my lifetime. My love and thoughts are with you and your beautiful children every day. Take care of you, love from Canada xoxo.
Very touching. Thank you for sharing.
Like the others I found myself tearing up too…we all have loved and lost at one point, and we mothers are hurt by the pain of a child more deeply than by our own…You are so very courageous to share and bare all so we all may learn! My deepest gratitude for that. Namaste, Love and Light from New York.
(And those selfish doubters can go to hell!)
Just beautiful. Thank you. I am honored that you chose to share and be here with us all. Much love from upstate New York USA!
Oh doll, never apologize for the tears! Tears, happy or sad, are a beautiful thing. Thanks for laying it out there, no fear or reservations. Just being you. That is the best gift one person can give another. You are fantastic…we are lucky to have you. And those two gorgeous little nuggets are pretty lucky, too.
(and I have no doubts “Be Here Now” will be here soon!)
Much respect and love from the Motor City.
Thank you for sharing today. Despite tears from the memories, which those of us who have lost loved ones know, you have so much clarity and are very self aware, and that is rather inspiring.
As for the video, I think the average person who has no film industry experience, has no idea how much goes into making a film, a documentary, even a music video or how much goes in just to make the nightly news. These things take time, so everyone just hang in there patiently.
Again Gratitude for today’s sharing.
Blessings to you and the cubs!! xo
Your words flew to my heart. Your tears touched me and I couldn’t hold my own tears but like you said, it is OK.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you for everything and be sure, our faith and trust in you, in Andy, in the Bere Here Now project is intact.
Lots of love to you, Jesse and Indigo.
Gratitude for sharing. Be Here Now, Has changed me forever. I’ve never been so moved by a human being watching Andy play Spartacus. I started watching 4-23-12 didn’t know about his death, fell in love with his acting then I saw Vengeance and wondered where he was. Went on a twitter rant to Starz, then I was informed by a friend. Did some research and saw the youtube about BHN, That hurt. Rewatched Blood and Sand and my life was changed forever. I will always live life fearlessly and I will live it to honor Andy the rest of my life. Vashti may God bless u and ur family all the days of your livrs
Thank you for such an incredibly raw and beautiful share. Thank you for everything V….xx
and pay no heed to the nasty comments; unfortunately arseholes are a part of life too…..
Oh, Vashti the other comments said it all. No apologies for tears. You are awe inspiring and and moved me to tears. Lots of love to you and your cubs. Xxxx
Thank you Vashi for checking in and for your continued messages you are such an inspiration! RIP Andy 2 years since you passed. Sending you positive thoughts and strength from London Nic x
Thanks so much for that Vashti, it was something I really needed to hear. You have no idea how much it speaks to me and helps me through the tears. x x
Thank you Vashti for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I hope you and the kids are doing well.
Thank you for sharing !! Wishing you and the kids well !!
oh my god vashti what an awesome woman you are no wonder I call you my princess my darling lady how strong and beautiful you are I can see why andy loved you so much …….we all love you so much …thank you for sharing you inner most thoughts with us it made me upset to see you cry …my beloved sister s just been dignosed with hodgkins lymphoma im so scared ..just keep thinking about andy ….all my love and respect to you and your babies vashti just remember my heart is yours big hugs beautiful ….love Irene..xxx
You give more than enought…
“2 years in a blink…”, I believe the last (some many years, not just 2) go away in a blink.
Started to watch Spartacus, love Andy work, and get to know about his illness. Can’t stop looking for him, trying to know how is he, ’cause I felt a connection like he’s family. More a look, more I realize how amazing he is, how unique, transparent, pure, strong, family guy, funny, shy (like: can you believe? A shy actor?); and how all of that make him so special and someone with whom I identify. Two yrs ago I was in public when I knew he passed, and all I wish I can do is get out of there to cry it out loud and go to Austrália to hug as strenght as I can, his family. Despite he passed, can’t stop looking for… Don’t even know what more!? But always in silence… Until the day Vashti Withfield post something on a FB page in honor of Andy. My thought was “if I didn’t wrote him and can’t do it never ever again I can’t be silent again, this is how closest I can get to tell how I feel”…
That’s how a found an amazing, strong, unique woman, equaly fantastic, like he was the heart and you the brain, lol, don’t misunderstand.
Now I can’t stop follwoing you, for all the great words, honesty, strenght, you share, and for being such an inspiration!
There are so many things that happen in my life on the last yrs… So if, in the momment time don’t go by, now all pass by in a blink! And for good or worst, I’m a different person now, all the experiences make me what I am today, looking life with a different eyes!…
Vashti, thank you for sharing your feelings and emotions at any time, particularly this date. It doesn’t always have to be about learning, but I guess in some ways we are learning through your experiences and how you deal with stuff. I was moved to tears when I heard the story about Jesse running home on Father’s Day and saying he misses his dad. I miss my dad and mom too, dearly. It’s heart wrenching to hear those words that Andy won’t be able to hear them. We are all in deepest gratitude that you share; and that we support you in these difficult times. Gratitude for allowing us these glimpses of your life, that you are able to share. I can’t wait to see, on TV preferably, BE HERE NOW documentary. I wish there was something I could do to cure this horrible disease cancer, and bring Andy back home to your arms, as well as all the lovely people who perished from cancer, i.e., Farah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, my aunts, etc.
Also, thank you for your thoughts and prayers on the massive amount of victims that we all experienced on 9/11. Truly moving.
I love these share portfolios and showing your experiences and telling us of times with Andy or any issue that you are going through. I think I’ve learned so much, yet as you say, must put into action. I’m struggling with the action as there’s always an obstacle. I can’t wait to hear more.
Know that you, Jesse, and Indigo are in my thoughts and heart.
For those that watch and follow MMQ in a different language here i leave you the transcription of the video so you can put it on any translator to your own language. its as accurate as i could. BHN
acá les dejo la transcripción en ingles. pueden usar cualquier traductor para su idioma natal, sea español, portugués o cualquier otro. saludos… hay una palabra que no se que es, pero en general creo que esta todo correcto.
—>Today i wanna talk about it being 2 years since gorgeous Andy passed away, and i guess two whole years of walking this little life without him by my side. So I wanted to do a little check in, and share with you if I can any insight or learning that I’ve had or just to share with you honestly what I feel so that potentially you can either feel that your kindred spirit is not doing the same thing alone or that there’s something to learn from it
Recently I’ve been waking up and missing Andy more that I’ve done in a long long time, and I’ve been really confused by this cause I kind of thought that it would be easier as it went along. But interestingly it has gone harder recently, and I think it’s something about as you grow and heal and evolve and certainly with my kind of philosophy which is go for it, and take life by the balls cause this is your one life, especially after losing Andy. I’ve kind of stepped up the ….. You know and I keep taking things on and pushing myself, and stretching myself in ways I’ve never expected I’d do. One of them is been juggling and taking on this inspiring great stuff with my work whilst being a really handsome loving mother. And I don’t feel like I’m doing a great job with either of those things, and that points me to missing Andy even more.
And I know that you can explain so much of this away, and I know in some instances, not that it’s an excuse it’s an easy fall out. And what I mean by that is that when things get really tough or I’m really challenge is very easy to default to a place of missing Andy, or missing the support he gave me and most of all, missing the partnership. ‘Cause you know, when you really love someone and you’re there, even when you don’t love someone and you have an incredible partnership, that support goes a really long way.
So I guess in essence what I wanna share with you today 2 years on, in some instances my capacity, my strength, my ability to do, create and make life the fullest an the most rich it can be, is there. But emotionally actually I feel some instances is the hardest it has been, because this enormous reality, especially at this 2 year mark, that is never gonna change, and again as I said to you before. That ridiculous realization that you know already in your head, but your heart… that he is never gonna come back.
So before I say a lil bit more about that, and again, is not about giving you any coaching or guidance. Today is about sharing and baring all, this is just where I’m at and how I’m feeling and if it gives any value, and then I have gratitude for that.
I also, before I go on, want to obviously, honor the incredible amount of live that were lost September 11 many many years ago, and I guess when I’m speaking today on all those peoples, families and individuals that were lost but continue to regain, re grow and continue on after they lost somebody they love, so my thoughts and heart are with those other people.
But in the tree philosophy of MMQ and mine, and Andy’s belief, surround, life is here , so go for it, overcome the challenges, walk along side your fears don’t let them stop you, honor them, but move on and grow with them. I’m really trying to do that.
So today what I wanna share with you is this, waking up with an empty space next to you in the bed, where you’d love to be waken up by your husband’s snoring or a son coming home to you on father’s day having lil tear in your arms –and I’m gonna cry here- saying I miss my dad, doesn’t get any easier.
But the reality is this, to love someone so much and to have had them in your life and to have felt that love is the fuel that I need and I’m able to tap into on a regular basis to get up, take a deep breath and say “what can I do with today?” and some days is really hard, and some days is really easy.
And in the middle of all that, you have this pain and this lil broken heart and this extraordinary memories, but there’s knowledge that you’re capable of doing anything. And that by knowing that you have this love in your life, a that exists out there and that is up to you to go out there and make it happen.
Now what I also wanna share with you having experienced this so many times, you only do that on the days you can, because some days you can’t. And whilst I’m crying right now, I’m not sad, I’m just moved by the reality of the situation, and in my commitment to bare or share all to insight any kind of learning for us all or growth, I wanna share with you that it is ok to feel sad, it is ok to feel down, and its ok to think “am I ever gonna be with anyone again that’s gonna feel the same way?” or “am I ever gonna feel as whole as I did?” and maybe you aren’t. But what I realize for me that is part of my journey and its part of why I’m here and so many of the things I’m doing and who I’m being in my life right now, would not be that case without having lost Andy
And I look at all the extraordinary things that have happened by him being lost so soon and too soon. And he’d be so proud of that fact.
So I wanna talk for a moment about the documentary BHN, because there has been some really quite upsetting comments being posted around I’ve noticed on the different channels, talking like “it was all a scam the found raising… the movie is not really coming out…where the hell is it…I contributed” some of that stuff, so what I wanna say to you right now on the anniversary of Andy is that the documentary will come.
But what I wanna say to you is that just a lil bit like grief…so is the process of film making. It is unpredictable and uncontrollable. But I promise you this, the documentary will soon be finished and as soon as the channels for its distribution are clear as in whether is on TV or as a movie, or when or where it will come out you will be the first to know.
I cannot tell you anything about it ’cause I don’t know, but please keep following the BHN film official site, and the information will be there. Trust please in your commitment to the project and it will come to you soon.
To wrap up, I guess right here right now I’m thinking “should I use this post… is it cool that burst into tears… have I given enough value…have I shared enough?” but the reality is this I’m giving you exactly how I feel right here right now. The thing that I’ve learned over the last two years, is like that great quote it’s something like “emotions are like waves, is the one you chose to ride that makes different, is not always a great wave, sometimes is a crashing wave , sometimes is an engulfing one, sometimes is one that falls before you wanted to.” But the whole point is you get up and you give it a go. Sometimes you get drenched under water, and sometimes you ride into shore with a smile on your face, not believing how good it could be. And that’s how I am, and that’s where I am, and that’s how life is. So… I invite you, wherever you are in your life, whatever it is you’re going through to make the most of it. Dark or light, happy or sad, it’s just part of life.
So I see you soon here at MMQ, thank you for being part of this incredible lil community that is growing so vastly
Por cierto, la palabra que falta creo que puede ser “empty”, pero no estoy segura…. Besos!
Oh, perdona Lois, te había escrito antes un mensaje agradeciéndote la transcripción tan fantástica que has hecho del vídeo, pero no sé por qué no ha salido… bueno la he hecho desde el móvil así que será por eso… Infinitas gracias por poner la transcripción, me ha encantado poder leerla mientras veía de nuevo el vídeo y me ha encantado ver que no estaba tan desencaminada en mi “listening”… algo es algo…
Miles de gracias de nuevo y muchos besos!!
Lois, thank you very much for this translation!!
Bless you vashti x
Never apologize for baring your heart and honesty…How amazing you are…you are the beacon of light that shines for all of us in our journey through life. We all have good days, bad days and days that are difficult. I am blown away at your determination to live your life to the fullest no matter what road blocks come your way and doing so, helping so many of us do the same!!!!!!! Sending unconditional love to you, Jesse, and Indie. Hope she is doing better!
Wishing you the fullest of beginnings, the fondest memories of endings and the most amazing middles, Vashti. Thank you for giving so much to so many, and for offering legacy as an alternative to loss. xo
OH, Vahsti, last night I finally had time to watch the whole video and… OMG!, your so brutally honest with your feelings… you break my heart when talk about the partnership… You don’t know how I understand you… I have fortunatelly muy partner, my son’s father, my husband… he is all in my life, he is my support, my confidant, the person who knows me the best, knows my weaknesses, my tastes, my mind, my opinions … I couldn’t live without him, and when I think of you, when I put myself in your shoes, Oh, God! I feel a pain in my stomach … I am fully aware of what I have at my side and I think maybe I don’t behave well enough with him, or that I have no enough patience, or I don’t dedicate him enough time, or that sometimes I don’t talk to him with the affection that he deserves, and I must thank you that now I’m more aware of how lucky I am, and give me eager to use every minute, every second I spend with him. With him and with my children, of course.
I wish Andy would not have died ever, I wish him to be with you, but probably now we were not talking or writing to you… But things happen and you have to accept them as they come … Do they have any reason? I don’t know, and much times I don’t find it, but they happen, that’s the truth.
Andy will always be by your side, I know. I feel that you had such a strong relationship that he’s still with you and your children. And pray that you also feel that way, forever.
And. .. by the way, I am convinced that yes!, You’ll find someone to feel with that connection … perhaps different of the way you had with Andy, but you’ll find, I’m sure!
All the love to you and Millions of kisses.
Hey Vashti. i lost my man 2 years ago as well. I feel the same as you do in regards to the process of healing that it does feel like I miss him more now than I have in a long while. I wonder if it’s because the more time that passes, the farther away from them we feel? And yes I agree it is also that we can now fully understand that they are not coming back. I can share that I don’t really think I’ve accepted that fact yet, nor have I until now used the love and grief as fuel to create a life that I know my man would be proud of me for creating. As well as you my heart aches for my son who misses his Dad and listening to you share that same pain helps me feel less alone so thank you for being so open.
This is a really touching insight. Thanks for sharing.
I just stumbled onto your blog. I’ve known about Andi’s death, but to be frank, I haven’t thought much of it since I heard of his passing a couple of years ago. However, recently, I have been diagnosed with cancer myself, and at just 39 y.o., I’m wondering about how the years after my death will be like for my beautiful wife. I thank you for this, because I thought time would help her move on. But, I see now that may not always be the case, and in some people, time never heals the passing of a loved one.
I wish you the best, and I hope you are able to find true love again to make your heart soar once more. I hope the same for my wife.
hello you… I am racing to take the kids to school and to the office but I had to respond to you.
Thank you for your honest post….
There are many things I would like to share in response to you post, many about you, about your wife and about the journey you are on.
I need you to know this ….that I HAVE moved on and that I AM happy but I DO believe in sharing all the aspects of grief and its stages, to enable, inspire and have those travelling a similar journey, to consider that the ups and downs are all there and are just as an important part of the process as are the great days, which I don’t tend to share with you.
There IS so much beauty and learning to be had from the down days and they are just as much a part of moving on as the happy days, even if it seems unbearable to watch. I realise that people always misinterpret my tears or missing of Andy as such a sad thing, when it is just another part of life and experiencing the emotions of love. I don’t post about kissing someone else or having a fantastic week or how much I love my life, because honestly people don’t want to hear that but it is the other half of my reality and my truth.
So I guess what I am saying is that if you can trust, as hard as that may seem, that it will all work out and that YOU and YOUR wife will have the journey that is there to be had, if you can embrace it… the ups and downs, the highs and the big lows, it will for both of you be part of experience that will shape a life that you never ever expected.
. When something extraordinary like this happens to you, it is indeed a chance to grow into all that you are capable of being as a man and a woman.
However I say all of that as I am in the after and you my friend are here in the NOW…. so I am also interested in where you are at being a 39 and diagnosed. It is important that you process all your thoughts about being here and about possibly not being here …. so many things to think about. The enormous challenge is being committed to being here NOW but also to not be afraid of the future,the unknown and ultimately not being here….. if that makes any sense.
This is only a fraction of what I would like to say, but I am in being mindful and respectful of where you are at and therefor don’t want to say any more.
I am here and your message is one that means so very much to me. You speak of two very different areas the present and the future, both of which are out of our control but can be made so much richer by the attitude and passion we have to allow them and us to be all that they/we can be.
I apologise for the garbled message but so wanted to respond …firstname.lastname@example.org
Again…beautiful response Vashti! SO honest and pure! Prayers MSG!!!
Just want to say how amazing is to have someone to “talk” when that someone really knows, exactely knows what to say and how it feels…
How truth and kind of sad is your words “I don’t post about kissing someone else or having a fantastic week or how much I love my life, because honestly people don’t want to hear that but it is the other half of my reality and my truth.”
Understand and agree, but it’s sad, people don’t want all the truth and nothing but the truth, just the dramatic truth.
Big kiss to a big lady
Just wish you all the peace you can have and say that given up cannot be an option, in all the subjects that you have in your head!
All the possible best for you and your wife and enjoy while you both can…
Vashti no words can truly say how amazingly beautiful you are on the inside and outside, you teach us so much! sending u hugs, and a huge thank you for this whole MMQ adventure, and all you put into it – making us grow, question ourselves, and look at the world differently. thank you
Very beautiful, we miss him too,
You are an exceptional human being. I just love you. I love your vulnerability and ability to express yourself so beautifully. I thank you for giving us YOU! Be blessed gorgeous woman. XOXO from the foothills of the Sierras, CA.