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The Maybe McQueen Blog

The final and last episode ever of Spartacus has aired, signifying layer upon layer of closure, completion and the end of one very extraordinary chapter for so many different people.

Over the last 24 hours I have received countless messages, e – mails and example, after example of the dramatic influence, inspiration and meaning, that this show and of course Andy’s short time on it, has caused for countless individuals  from literally all around the world.

No one can ever fully anticipate what or who will resonate in inspiring, empowering or moving another human being. The opportunity that Andy was given and his absolute determination to give above and beyond to honor this role, played a significant part in the love, support and companionship that he and I were (and still are ) so beautifully graced with, by all of those (you) who were so very touched by him in some way. So today I am writing to simply say thank you.

Thank you for…

…The chance to empower a beautiful man to grow from engineer to actor

…To allow my shy, gentle husband, to grow from a meow to a raaaaagh, as he faced his fears and deepest insecurities, in taking on the role of his lifetime

…For your ongoing support, love, loyalty, generosity, passion and determination to follow and champion the show and its enormous success and influence

…For your tenderness, your caring and your dogged support in holding Andy so tight while he bravely explored and then battled his illness…

…For your openness and commitment, kindness and loyalty, in protecting, nurturing and supporting me and my cubs, through out and along side …

…For the giant wall of strength that you are and the incredible force that has enabled Andy’s legacy to be brought to life, in the making of the Be Here Now documentary…(which is in its final stages of completion)

…For the generosity that has poured in like a monsoon

…For being inspired enough by one mans life and another woman’s journey to courageously live your life to the fullest

…and lastly for your companionship, you love and your acceptance of me, as I, sometimes ungracefully but with absolute commitment, endeavor to honor myself, my man, my cubs and you.

Above is a picture of the incredible giant broken butterfly who we found some time ago, waiting for us at our front door.

‘Look mummy, daddy has come to visit.’ squealed Indi with delight.

To this day that butterfly that was Andy, reminds me that however broken or however sad a situation, beauty is always, always there, if you are just willing to look for it.

Thank you again from the bottom of my big warm heart!

 

  • melissa

    i can only wish to carry out the rest of my days with the grace that you do, vashti…. i thank you….

  • http://www.facebook.com/raelynndinicola RaeLynn Tumulis Di Nicola

    Oh Vashti….. Your words always touch my soul. It is an honor to be able to get you know you and your cubs, through your beautiful words. You have allowed us to honor your hubby, love and cherish him, and that means the world to all of us. We can’t Thank You enough, especially for allowing us into your world. We are forever grateful to you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/natashakleinphoto Natasha Klein

    <3 this! All is so true! Who knows where and who inspiration will come.

  • Sally T.

    Love the title of this beautiful post, the message within and your tremendous courage and character. Your generosity of spirit is profound. Thank YOU, Vashti. x

  • http://www.facebook.com/kim.charlton2 Kim Charlton

    Vashti, you blow me away with your courage & through your journey you have become a teacher. Your words are inspirational. Thank you for sharing….
    All my love to you. K xxx

  • michelle

    Tears!!! What an amazing women you truely are! I can’t even find the words to really express how inspirational you are. Thank you for showing me undeniable strength as a mother and wife, the unconditional love to your beautiful Andy. Thank you for giving a piece of yourself to us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dawnmarie.duncan Dawn-Marie Duncan

    I love you! :)

  • irene mahon

    Vashti at the moment im lost for words…you and Andys life together was so short but so full of love for one another and along came your 2 beautiful children from that love … we all took andy to our hearts who could nt fall in love with him ………..my god he sure was the whole package…..handsome strong gentle very sexy …..to you he was your beloved husband and father 2 the cubs…..when Andy passed the love we had for him …just passed onto you and the babies we could nt help loving you to…….. to feel your pain your hurt ….but I so admire you Vashti I don’t think I could have been so strong………….there will always be a special place in my heart for Andy for you and jesse and indi ..that goes without saying ..if I could have one wish ..is that I could change history turn back the clock make it better …but I cant ……we all have to move on ……but never forget our loved ones…that are no longer with us …sending you my biggest hugs vashti and lots of kisses …..love ..mumma bear …Irene…xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Joanna Sharif- Crawley

    Vashti, it is our honour I am sure tobe part of this journey in some small way. Human kindness still exists and I am so fortunate to be part of this warm circle, drawn together initially for our massive respect for Andy and now for our massive respect to you. Well done, a million times over xxx

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000203917220 Norbert Süss

    It was the finale of the show, but not the end. Andy started something with his incredible performance and his brave fight in real life which will live on in the hearts of thousands of people. And while everyone is still talking about all the influence your husband had on so many lifes, I think it’s also time to say ‘Thank you’ to YOU, for being there for us, for sharing so much of your life with us and for staying here with us. If I would never have heard of Andy before, I’m sure I would still be the huge fan of Maybe McQueen that I am right from the beginning. From the bottom of my heart. …hugs…xxx

    • Jolene

      And thanks to Norbert for always saying exactly how I feel so my posts are just a fraction long!!
      Love and Light
      Gratitude Norbert
      Jolene

  • Liisa

    <3 Love, hugs and hearts <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/moniqueroy.konke Monique Roy- Konke

    How beautiful! You truly are so amazing! I can’t tell you what an amazing and powerful help your strength and courage have been for me in my sadness at my loss. You are such an inspiration. I have been a Sparatcus fan since day 1 and I am still blown away by Andy and what he brought to t hat first season! I have to admit that on the final episode the other night, although it was excellent and sad, I only broke down at the very end when they showed Andy yelling, “I am Sparatcus!” he certainly was and always will be our champion! Love and hugs to you and your beautiful cubs. Xoxo

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=702726253 Tara Kendall-Sykes

      I too cried at that moment x

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stefan-Heikel/93402728 Stefan Heikel

    And thank you to you Vashti for opening up your life and that of your family’s during this experience. The show and Andy’s story have certainly inspired me so much in many ways.

  • http://twitter.com/natasjalal Natasja

    Wow u r really an amazing woman dont ever forget that!!

  • Tanja

    Dear Vashti, this post is so amazing! I can´t express how much it touched me in my soul!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nico.matting Nico Matting

    Yes the series is already over, but the experience we made through this will be with us for an eternity. And Andy has such a huge part in it because of his actions. His faith and will inspired so many lifes , it gives so much strength like you do as well so we have to thank you so much as well for being here for us. You will life in the heart of everyone who knows you and we will stay behind you forever. Many hugs to you and the little ones. xx

  • Rivke

    I have no eloquent words, just tears, a smile and endless love for you, your cubs and Andy, for waking me up and helping me find something bigger in life. Blessed Be!

  • Alexis

    Your words balm my heart. The finale was very beautiful and very sad. A bitter sweet reminder of the once in a lifetime experience that has been Spartacus. It brought us Andy and then you, messengers from the Universe to live in the only place where it counts – the Now. Thank you. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/karen.flynn.5 Karen Flynn

    Still blown away by the final episode – all the cast did us and Andy proud! Andy has brought so many people together, who are now friends purely because of the admiration/love they had for him! Very best wishes to you and to your lovely children xxx

  • michelbarreau

    v
    ous serez toujours dans notre coeur vous et vos petits tout comme ANDY

  • Kristin

    So eloquent. You are a beautiful soul, Vashti!…thank you ~ I love all of the colors in this photo..esp. your daughter’s striking blue eyes, highlighted by the walls…what a little angel! Have a wonderful week.

  • Jennifer M

    You are amazing Vashti!

  • La Lena

    Thank you a thousand times, sweet Vashti for making us a path of your life together. Andy has deeply touched our lives, and now with you and your sweet littles, as if it were a continuation of this bittersweet experience, keep in touch with so much love and strength whole the rest of the way. You are the light of every day.

    With so much much love <3 <3 <3
    Maddalena (Italy)

  • Ramonita

    Thank you Vashti because I have clinged to you and your blog to learn more about Andy, you and your beautiful cubs! You have given me so much beginning with your beautiful family stories and even learning so much about being positive and productive in life!! You are an inspiration to us all!!

  • Lidia García

    Dear Mrs. Whitfield. From here, in the Canary Islands, on the other side of the world, my respect for you and your family, and the love and the respect shared by her husband loved from afar. All Andy fans remember to him, respect him and love him, and never forgotten, and our hearts accompany his family, in the memories. Without more, Andy-Spartacus, always with us.

    We are all very proud for the man, the actor, the father, the son and the husband!

    With much love, Lidia Garcia. Be Here Now…

  • Renata

    I admire you so much. This photo is amazing I’m sure Andy is still beside You and still cares for You.

  • http://twitter.com/StephenCWLL Stephen

    Gratitude to Andy … brilliant toast to the great one at very end of show. Love to you all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mirandapoff Miranda Poff

    Here in the UK it hasn’t aired yet my husband and I wait with baited breath…but I can say from the of my heart that the courage and strength you have shown the world with your family gave me the strength to face hearing that the doctors thought my husband had cancer in January. The second I heard him say ‘cancer’ I thought of Andy…silly maybe to think of another man, but I heard BE HERE NOW….and asked what do we need to do? And with all of the strength I had kept it together and continued forth into the unknown. By the Grace of God, after a surgery 48 hours later and a long 6 week wait, we got the all clear and it wasn’t cancer but giant cells that looked like and grew like cancer. There isn’t anything that prepares you to hear those words…but knowing that you both stood up and fought with everything you had and enjoyed every moment like a gift helped us. We have decided to get matching tattoos on our arms to honor the beautiful idea of Be Here Now…in each others handwriting. As a reminder of the blessing of every moment…and no matter how bad of a day we might be having that what today might have looked like. So, with much gratitiude and love I say thank you to you. For your strength, your family, your husband and the beautiful example you gave us. We bought that bottle of champagne and toasted to life…and to Being Here Now, to you, to Andy….

  • http://twitter.com/Serenina89 Serena

    Dear Vashti
    amazing post this time TO remembering and honoring Andy. Indi look beautiful in the picture; she has the blue deepy’ s eyes of his father. That big butterfly IS andy, absolutely it is!
    Yes we have contributed at the ascent of Andy, he is my first actor ever; he will remain our spartacus fo ever in the days coming. When i watched the last episode i imagined Andy . How would he have played the last role of Spartacus?
    Thanks to Andy , we have met you, we are keep following you because of him and because of your strenght and inspiration you are giving to us.
    He will always remain in our heart not only because he was a God of beauty , but because he pierced the screen, because he was a loyal and humble man/ actor i’ve ever seen, beacuse he realized his dream and he did it well.
    I’m always thinking at him when, finsihing Spartacus he would have be scripted for James Bond or an other action movie.
    I’m so sorry he is no longer in this world and i’m sorry for you and the cubs who lost a big figure in the family, but you have been lucky because you met such a great person.

    Thank you Vashti again. You 2 were great together: you such a great and strong woman and him such a humble and gentle man.

    With love
    One of your best follower

    Serena

  • d4rdy

    I wish nothing but beautiful things for you and your family in the future xx. I loved watching Andy in Spartacus, he was an absolute legend!!

  • Renata

    I admire you so much. I know you are an amazing person and I’m sure Andy is still with you and cares for you as a butterfly. With love. Renata

  • http://www.facebook.com/Edwin.Flores.R Edwin Flores Rodríguez

    Andy remained in our hearts.
    Greetings from Chile!

  • Rachel

    I only recently discovered Maybe McQueen but I’ve been a fan of Andy and the show Spartacus for quite some time. After perusing your site and watching your vlogs, I felt compelled to tell you that you’re an extraordinary woman and Andy was incredibly lucky to have you in his life. I watched the series finale last night and couldn’t help but tear up at the end when they included the clip of Andy shouting, “I am Spartacus!” Of course, the show must go on, but to have the series come full circle and honor the wonderful man who made so many of us fall in love with Spartacus – and the actor who played him – was a beautiful ending to a glorious chapter for every fan. I look forward to following your journey here at Maybe McQueen, as well as seeing the documentary when it is released. You are an inspiration to us all.

    Love and gratitude to you and yours all the way from the United States!

  • Susan_Mangan

    Right back at you lovely lady! A huge thank you to you and beautiful Andy for ALL you’ve given me. XX

  • http://www.facebook.com/angeles.aguilar.9256 Angeles Aguilar

    thanks to you Vashti,you are an amazing woman,The Spartacus fans we will never forget Andy and the way he makes us feel with his performance on the show.When I saw “Sacramentum Gladiatorum” and Andy makes me cry,I realize that he was special,an angel.
    All my love from Argentina to you and your beautiful kids.

  • LEASA RAE

    THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BIG WARM HEART FOR SHARING SO COURAGEOUSLY WITH ALL OF US. THE FINALE WAS AMAZING. SAD TO SEE IT GO. ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS. WELL DONE TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATED AND TO ANDY WHO IS SMILING DOWN AT ALL OF US. LIVE LIFE AS IT WAS YOUR LAST. ALL THE BEST TO YOU & YOUR CUBS XOXOXO LEASA

  • Kerrie berry

    I know what it feels like to lose someone you love…the grief crushes you!
    You inspire me completely… Andy was a massive loss to you, even I feel it and I hadn’t even met Andy. I respect him greatly and feel this world is at loss without him! You help me face my fears living without that person that is your world! Thank you for being so strong and inspirational. Andy choose wisely when he choose you to bare his children. wishing your health and happiness for the future!

  • persus

    Vashti, reading about your and Andy’s journey has profoundly affected me and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating this website. You are an amazing woman. I lost my son nearly two years ago to suicide, and my life has never been the same. After stumbling onto your website quite by chance, I felt such a connection to you.. I finally am beginning to feel that my life still can have meaning; I can still go on to have incredible happiness, and I feel inspired to live and make the most of my one life. Thank you for the inspiration. xoxoxoxo, persus

  • http://twitter.com/PennyDouglas Penny Douglas

    XOXOXO <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Love and Gratitude always!

  • Pam Stewart

    Much heartfelt gratitude to you and your gifted and gracious Andy…the pleasure has been all ours to have had you both in our days. One hell of a power couple you made…a force of nature reaching the lives of so many. Its been quite profound and gorgeous to witness the lives changed for the better due to you and Andy. The appreciation and thanks goes to both of you…and Im a very proud member of the MMQ Community as a result.

  • Tracee R.

    Beauty IS always there.

  • Simona

    Qualunque essi siano i miei sentimenti rimarranno immutati nel tempo.
    Grazie.
    Dio Vi benedica.
    Un abbraccio.
    Simona

  • Kristian

    I was very happy to see that they saved the final scene of the finale credits for Andy. That was perfect and just as it should be! My wife and I have been big fans of Andy since season 1, but I became particularly drawn to him and your story after his diagnosis because I, too, had been diagnosed with NHL back in 2006 and was close to Andy’s age with two young children at the time. I was treated at that time and was fortunate to remain in remission until I relapsed last year. I had a Stem Cell Transplant last fall and throughout that process, I from inspiration from both Andy and you. “Be Here Now” became my motto! It was a great help to me throughout that process and I thank you both for that. I also passed your story and message along to other patients going through similar circumstances and it always resonates with them. Thank you so much and I wish you and your family the very best.

  • Susana Matos Nunes

    Wow Vashti… I’m totally speechless….. I’m so grateful for everything, for knowing that such an amazing, unique, beautiful in every way, great person cross this world and I have the pleasure of realise that, as grateful for knowing you, equaly fantastic! (…) it is an honor being a part, even a small one, of Withfield family! It is with very pleasure that I read and watch (throw your pics) all the momments of your life that you share with us, and with so many honor and gratitude as well…
    I can only regret for being so many time a”silent one”, and that cost me never can have the honor, the pleasure, the lucky, the happiness, of sending my words directly to Andy, and never new if he would respond or what he would feel about my words. I guess he would never read my words and I was just crazy as a “crazy teen”. Even so I decided to write him, determined to it, but…. To late! A day before he’s gone… I believe I knew Andy, don’t know when or how but he was just to familiar and if I can never be there for him I want to be there for those that he love! Specialy when those are so special, as much as he was…. LOVE YOU GUYS, VASHTI, JESSE RED, ÍNDIGO SKY…
    Your amazing dad desearve all tributes, love, respect people can share! Be proud of him cause I’m shure he’s proud of you too, as well of his amazing, beautiful, unique wife!
    Susana

  • Gina Holbrook

    Mmmmmm. So powerful and extraordinary. Finally caught the last episode and we all sat there sobbing as the brave and magnificent Spartacus faced the “last battle”. When they showed your beautiful Andy at the very end of the credits I just about lost it. Just want to say, “Thank You” Vashti for bravely sharing your journey with the world. We so badly need to see what vulnerability and authenticity looks like because if we are to ever become “real”, we must know that it’s alright to be broken and beautiful, and it’s alright to have troubles…and we are in this together. You have supported all of us in our “becoming” and we salute both you and Andy for inspiring us to Be Here Now and to live authentic lives! Much love from Nor-Cal!!

  • Yavetil

    Andy is Spartacus and he will always be, thank him and thank you, because this words really have a meaning for all that were touched by his journey, some of us had the luck to pass by that awful disease but that could not have been even possible without the inspiring and the motivation Andy gave to all of us.

    Thank you again for your strength, and be sure you will come back to his arms in the next life.

  • CBear

    Thank YOU for sharing your handsome husband with the world. His talent was only surpassed by his incredible strength. Through the last few scenes of the show, I was in tears. When they showed the last screen shot and it was your sweet Andy,… absolute sobbing. Spartacus brought many smiles to my face as the show aired and to my heart, Andy will always be Spartacus. Thank you for sharing him with us. Blessings to you and your family.

  • maranda ruiz

    This made me cry. Tears of joy ofcourse with a tiny touch of sadness. Thank you for being so open what with all the lovely private photos you share and your blog im so appreciative to be able to see just a glimpse. words cant express the amount of inspiration you, your children and andy have given me. so thank you and i look forward to reading future post’s.

  • TrishaFiene

    On my mind and in my heart…
    “What happened here
    As the New York sunset disappeared
    I found an empty garden among the flagstones there
    Who lived here
    He must have been a gardener that cared a lot
    Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
    And now it all looks strange
    It’s funny how one insect can damage so much grain
    And what’s it for
    This little empty garden by the brownstone door
    And in the cracks along the sidewalk nothing grows no more
    Who lived here
    He must have been a gardener that cared a lot
    Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
    And we are so amazed we’re crippled and we’re dazed
    A gardener like that one no one can replace…
    He must have been a gardener that cared a lot
    Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
    Now we pray for rain, and with every drop that falls
    We hear, we hear your name” –“Empty Garden” Sir Elton John
    To Our Bringer of Rain. ♥

  • http://twitter.com/KSRuprai Kultar Singh Ruprai

    A moving message. He will always “Be here now” and live on

    Gratitude.

  • Tara Wallace

    I must admit as I was watching the last couple eposides. I was thinking about Andy! How if it wasn’t for him the show would not be so popular!!!! He made us all fall in love with him & Spartacus! The only time I cried was at the end when Andy said I am Spartacus!!!!! Thank you for giving us your husband, you & your cubs!!!

  • Jolene

    Well it always seems Norbert always beats me to the punch,and says almost exactly what I am feeling!
    I too want to say thank you for being a brave lioness and allowing us to be beside and behind you and the cubs threw out this journey of yours ,theirs and Andys lives! You Vashti allowed myself and I know so many others to embark on their own personal journeys!
    My journey was stuck in a big black hole that I simply could not get out of until you and MaybeMcqueen lit a fire under my butt.
    So from the bottom of my and so many others hearts thank you Lady V for all that you were and all that you have become!
    And Thanks be to our one and only Andy!

    Hugs love and light!!
    Be Here Now
    Jolene

  • http://justmeleah.blogspot.co.uk/ Just Me Leah

    Once again you’ve reduced me to tears with your beautiful words. I’m so hurt by the loss of this great man I never met that I’ve never watched an episode since Andy died. I will one day, for he was at the genesis of this fantastic show, but not yet. Somehow I can’t bear it. To watch his luminance and know he is no more – at least not physically – is too much. Without his passing I wouldn’t have found you, so he is still giving gifts even as he left. I have been humbled beyond belief by the grace and strength you’ve shown since Andy died, and I can only hope that should I ever find myself in the same position that I’d be able to muster a tenth of your strength. You, my dear, are a f**king constant source of inspiration and wise words, and yes the expletive WAS needed for emphasis 😉 Lots of love to you and your cubs. x x x

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=709516996 Greg Lindsay

    Andy touched us all with his personality, his heart, and his soul. I was drawn in to this show the first time I saw him, and never wanted it to end. Now that the show has ended I’ll always remember Andy. He was so utterly raw and human in everything he did, and showed us the flame of courage we all have inside. You will live forever in my heart Andy.

  • Sam Banks

    Your thank yous and thoughts move me to tears V. I still and always will remain a dedicated Spartacus and fan of Andy. He was our Spartacus. Liam did a good job carrying on the show, but I too was moved to tears shen they showed the clip of Andy shouting “I am Spartacus”! He was and always be my Spartacus. Also, everytime I see buterflies now, I wonder who they might be and see them in an entirely different light. Thank you for all you have shared with us and much love to you and your cubs.

  • Michelle m

    Will we be able to buy the documentary ?

  • Jim in Oregon

    My words will never fully express my thoughts and feelings. Andy’s performance as, Spartacus, was only a small glimpse into the man behind the scenes. If his dedication to the role he played is any indication to the dedication he gave to his family and friends, you are all truly fortunate to have shared life with him. I look forward to, Be Here Now. I know tears will be shed, but I also know that I will be inspired. Thank you for sharing with us bits and pieces of your day and your thoughts. May God continue to bless you and your family.

  • laurent

    i don’t want watch the finale episode right known…because i don’t want to see it finish even i know the journey continue and andy will be never forgeted. I think of you many times and espacially now from france. kiss from a frenchy who proodly cry “i am spartacus…when he can fix something at home”. I don’t wrote ofen but i think of andy and you to. I ‘m waiting the documentary and send you all my tenderness. see ya

  • Talajlo

    You all are truely amazing. i hold close dear my Be Here Now leather cuff – it reminds me to be strong like Andy when the pain is intense. xx

  • Bally B-M

    WE love you and your cubs, Vashti, you are so right in your words that are written so beautifully, I am going to make my future happen and have just completed the application and just pressed sent. You have inspired me so much reading your blogs and Andy had done the same, with his strength through his illness. Its all about being present, right here, right now…. Thank you so much x x
    Will miss spartacus very much, but had to see what happened to the man in the end… This journey through yours and Andy’s life will remain with me deep within my heart, thank you again for sharing it with the rest of us…..

  • lucyfr

    Andy is most certainly waching over you guys… 😉

  • Madeleine

    So very touching and inspiring words from a VERY STRONG woman, wife, and mother!!!! We love you too Vashti, and thank you for sharing your life with all of us and inspiring the world to not be afraid of taking chances and to live life to its fullest! Also,best regards to the creators of Spartacus, who made it all happen and introduced to the world so many talented and wonderful souls. Many blessings to all and may your journeys be safe and filled with lots of love! XXX

  • http://twitter.com/Temurah Salih Seckin Sevinc

    I tried my best to summarize all in my blog about Spartacus and Andy (in Turkish)
    http://salihseckinsevinc.com/post/48147429659/spartacusu-nasil-bilirdiniz

    As I am a cancer background guy, I deeply have strong feelings for Andy’s journey in life.
    Spartacus by meaning was/is a special man. A real hero in world history. A special character that doesn’t look like other heroes. And this chance -playing Spartacus- was given to Andy.
    From now on as Spartacus is remembered, so does Andy.

    Death is a big lesson that we all must take after all. Sooner or later. We’ll see. The question is; “Are we all going pass with blessings that Andy had in his life?”

    Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sillycelly Celeste Martinez

    Thank you, Vashti…..you are the mirror to what you see & receive x

  • jake_wheat

    Love to you, and your family, always. :)

  • http://twitter.com/beth_forrester Beth Forrester

    Andy is the reason I watched ‘Spartacus: Blood & Sand’, I was mesmerized by his performance episode after episode. Even though there were many talented actors on the show, Andy was beyond exceptional…..rarely have I see anyone able to evoke so much emotion on the screen, I actually FELT it to the core. The series finale was fantastic, the actors were excellent and knocked it out of the park….but the part which had the most significant meaning to me was when they showed a clip of Andy at the very end of the credits saying, “I….AM….SPARTACUS!” That was THE most perfect ending and so fitting, it made me cry. Thank you Vashti, it’s been wonderful to have gotten to know you through your open & honest blogs and posting, and the opportunity to see what an truly amazing woman you are! Looking forward to everything, and anything you share!

  • Estelle

    Andy will always be Spartacus. Thank you for sharing him and your thoughts with us. He has changed many lives. Much love, Estelle

  • Katie

    Your such an amazing women, your words always put a tear in my eye, I love reading what you have to say, always makes me think about the bigger picture in life, Thank you x

  • Jaime M.

    I’m so awkward and bad at choosing my words when it comes to spilling my feelings about something so I’m just gonna lay it all out as best as I can. I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore you, your cubs, and most of all, Andy. I don’t know what it was about him but from the moment I first started watching him on Spartacus he captivated me as an actor, and then later as a human being as I was able to read and watch more stuff about him in real life. He was a unique soul of beauty and compassion and downright goodness that is rare in this world and I eventually learned, after finding this blog and reading everything you write, that you are exactly the same as him and you two were the perfect soulmates. I can only wish that I find a love like you guys had. I know this may sound crazy but I literally was crushed and gutted inside when Andy passed away, as if I knew him personally, and the pain has never really gone away. I still cry to this day every now and again when I see video clips or pictures of him. I can’t even imagine how you and your family felt living it. However, reading your blog has enlightened me to the true meaning of human strength and taught me so many things about life itself. I love reading every word you jot down because it just expresses how much of a friggin warrior and amazing person you are. I will always be a dedicated fan of Andy’s until the day I die and I just wanted to let you know how his existence in this world, or at least in mine, and the enthusiastic way he lived his life, as well as you, has motivated me in so many ways to live my own down happier paths. Thank you and your beautiful cubs for being who you are. And thank you Andy, wherever you are, for just being here and allowing the world to know you at all. You will never be forgotten.

  • Barry Cashin, London, England

    It was your husband that first engaged my passion for the Spartacus series. I was devastated when I learned of Andy’s illness and so very premature passing. I thought then that he was irreplaceable. I believe that if Andy were here now, he would join many fans of the TV series to applaud the very excellent job done in carrying on Andy’s brilliance portraying the role by Liam McIntyre. Both were titans in the arena and on the field of battle, both brought the part to life and I am eternally grateful to your very brave husband for stirring a passion for a historical subject that I am now studying. The legend of Spartacus lives on today. The legend of your husband will live on in the hearts of tens of thousands of fans too. God bless your family

  • Liisa

    72 comments, it’s just an incredible amount and will tell you how much you and Andy inspire people.You are an amazing woman Vashti <3 Keep it up and the whole world can hear you <3

  • sonita

    Thank you for showing us all, that such an amazing, beautiful man exists. Both of you have been and inspiration and I always tell my friends about what an amazing man he is and how good he was in Spartacus. When watching him on Spartacus he has inspired me to follow my dream in acting and he will always be in my heart. He has a humbleness and dignity that I’ve never seen in anyone before and behind that beautiful, inspiring man, stands a beautiful and inspiring women. I shall now live my life to the fullest, meet someone who is as humble as he is and not let life get me down. Thank you for sharing your lives with us, you have truly touched me. xx

  • scott

    great way to end the show. right at the end of the credits when Andy shouted “I AM SPARTACUS” ithe hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. One of the most emotional moments i have ever watched.

  • Clint

    Dear Mrs Whitfield

    Andy Whitfield was a fantastic actor and from seeing what was done with the “Be here now” project an amazing person.

    I am truly sorry i found out about it to late to contribute.

    from reading the other comments and my personal feeling, he will be missed by many people he touched.

    Thank you for yours and your families strength in making a documentary about an important subject.

    with great respect from South Africa

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818507821 Patricia J Tibbits

    That was so incredibly beautifilly worded Vashti. Since seeing Andy on the screen, to praying for you & the kiddos during your times of utter grief to watching the launch of MMQ and to being a witness to one of the most extraordinary effort of complete strangers coming together to raise the OVER $300,000.00 for the Kickstarter campaign for Be Here Now, to seeing the re-launch of MMQ and to meeting some very loving, remarkable people from ALL over the world, all because of 12 episodes of one of the BEST historical TV shows and ONE, great, talented, gifted man’s protrayal has been the greatest gift to me. Some knew Andy from other roles, I only knew him as Spartacus and then I got to know, Andy, the husband, the father, the son, the brother, the REAL man and couragoues fighter & inspiration. I will NEVER forget what Andy & as well as you have taught me and will continue to teach me. Vashti, I am forever grateful & I have no better words to say then…Be HERE Now!!! One day my dream of being a published writer will come true and maybe, just maybe my other dreams, like meeting you in person, will come true one day as well. But for now, just know, I will always be a fan, from across the pond, here in the U.S.A. Much love to you, Jesse, Indi & of course your (our) beloved Angel, Andy. Gratitude always & forever, Patti xx <3

  • Laura

    Hello Vashti, I am a Spanish girl, a big fan of the Spartacus serie, and especially a fan of your husband ANDY. My heart breaks with his history, it is not fair that people who have your whole life before need to leave so soon. In the series has only been a Spartacus,only Andy, and he has been the best.

    In the series has only been a Spartacus,only Andy, and he has been the best. Thanks to his history I realized that we have to live for the moment, and I have to take advantage of every single second with my love and the people who love me and that I love.

    I would give anything to bring Andy into this world and you guys could live a long life together with your children.

    . Luckily, you have a few precious children and a child that is a copy of his father. The Final of Sparatcus with Andy shouting “I am Spartacus” it was the best of the chapter, because if he was a hero and he will continue in the wonderful sky from where he takes care of.

    All my love, my love and my heart to you and your children.

    (Forgive me for the spelling errors

  • Amalie

    Dear, dear Vashti.

    A TV-show and an actor, has never touched my heart like Spartacus and Andy.

    I started to watch Spartacus this year, and I did not know that Andy was gone. He touched my heart in the very first episode. He played Spartacus so beautifully. His sadness for Sura being gone, and the scene she died…. I have no words for it. I have never cried so much because of a TV-show before. And it was all because of the way Andy portrayed it. When I learned that Andy was gone, I was devestaded.

    My father died of cancer, so I know how hard this is for you. I just want to let you know that Im thinking about you and your children. I am glad Andy had you, you seem so strong and caring.

    I cried almost the whole time in the final episode, and when I saw Andy in the credits, I really lost it, haha. He was the most beautiful man in the world, if I may say so. Inside and out. He seemed so humble and caring.

    Well, I just wanted to tell you that your husband truly has made a change. He made me – a twenty year old girl – love a violent TV-show. Both you and Andy have given me inspiration in many ways.

    Love from Norway <3

    • Sharon Swan

      Well said, exactly the same as my story. Beautifully written x

  • http://www.facebook.com/george.hunter2 George Hunter

    In a way, like McQueen in his films, Andy will live forever in his portrayal of Spartacus. Generations will enjoy his amazing performance and it will stand the test of time as a marker for bold story telling and tv that pushed the boundaries. Best wishes.

  • rachel gribble

    Its is truly an incredible thing i have found to be moved by one person i have never met. The moment i heard about Andy and his passing i remember whipping my face bc tears were falling from it, and me not even knowing that i was balling my eyes out over this incredible human being who had no idea he had moved my life the way he had. I admire you in your strength to go on and i pray God only blesses you and your beautiful family, and continues to let Andy’s life speak volumes to all of us who fell inlove with Spartacus as well as Andy himself. I watched the season finale the other day and couldn’t help but appreciate liam but all i saw was Andys face in the last 25 min and i cried so hard. I went and bought the whole first season after that so i could always have it. Andy moved me as a fan and i know i am not the only one. I hope Be here now gets finished because i want to watch it and honor the life of an inspiring man!! love and honor your way!

  • Jacqueline Craig

    I have been saving reading this post until I had watched the final episode. My sister and I always watch Spartacus on a Thursday night together. This week I have been excited, worried, scared and unprepared to see the portrayal of the end for Spartacus and all I could imagine was your beautiful Andy. You are so strong to share with us. I feel like a fraud as though I have any part in your grief but if we could take some of it away we would. Be assured that despite not knowing Andy aside from Spartacus he has touched everyone who ever watched or will watch the show. He is a hero and will be remembered as one. I feel as though I have lost him and I am devastated so I have no idea how you can continue to live laugh and love without him but know that we are with you every step of the way willing your grief to be more manageable and to fix your broken butterfly. Sending you love and support from my livingroom to yours xxxxx

  • Jackie

    Andy will always be Spartacus.. he truly inspired my late husband Garrett, who passed away suddenly in January 2013, to be a healthier and better man.. hoping one day he could look like Andy lol I’m sure he does now. I also lost my first husband, Ian, 17 years ago unexpectedly. Both of them leaving me beautiful children but I am feeling so lost, I think more so now than before. How often do you get to marry your best friend? I was able to twice.. but now what? I am just now reading your blog and you have really inspired me to keep going, to stay the best Mom that I can be and most importantly to stay true to myself and not just label myself as a two time widow. How depressing is that? I don’t know.. I’m rambling but I am so happy I have found you :-)

  • emily

    As I battle nhl for a third year, an uphill struggle they tell me, I think be here now every time my brain swims. Thank you for sharing Andy’s journey.

  • Nora Mehigan

    You thank us, we thank you. You and your family gave us ( and continue to give us through this blog) such a beautiful legacy. Even the very words like gratitude are too insufficient to convey what is in my heart personally. I don’t say much as to how Spartacus effected me, but I will tell you it helped me remember the beauty in the world. Your sweet Andy could convey with a look what emotion the scene was provoking in my heart. When he passed I often have said he joined the hall of heroes for me because of his grace in life even at the end of all things. You and your cubs continue to inspire by reminding me that hope is never really lost, just resting in our hearts from time to time. Your strength when you had every right to withdraw was ( still is) a blessing. Yes we just live our lives and do the best we can, but as much as we have given you, you have given us. Thank you and know you are deeply loved. xoxoxo ~ Nora

  • http://www.facebook.com/mrhowson Stephen Howson

    Incredible. It certainly was fitting, but I had also hoped Andy would feature somewhere in the final ep. I look forward to seeing the documentary and I hope the pain of missing your husband is eased by the affection so many have for him.

    I am Spartacus.

  • Zaharius

    That ended the show, which gave the world the talent Andy. Before that, I did not see movies with him. Watched Season 1 and then began to wonder why Andy will not be in the new season. And then I learned that there was a trouble, Andy is sick. Andy is the only actor who came into my heart. It hurts me. Andy strong man in life, as in a film he fought with invincible enemy. His strong personality gives vitality. Andy forever in our hearts.

    Dear Vashti thank you for this blog, where you can speak out in a circle of like-minded people. May God give happiness and prosperity of your wonderful family. From Russia with love.

    excuse for my English

  • dax

    I’m from Argentina, and I am adding this to your “from all the world” support and love.
    Spartacus was an incredibly amazing series, in which Andy’s character was fundamental, his incredible performance, commitment, love (of course Liam showed a lot of respect in his great job) made us think that he was Spartacus, and he carried all along Spartacus’s soul, despite who was performing it.

    Love to you and your family. Greetings from Argentina, you’ll always be welcome here.

  • Cecilia E.

    I admire all your words, and have to read it again, and again to enjoy them from the first to the last. The show is, and going to be for ever THE show, for those who love it from the first episode, for those who live it, with Andy, and as much as we finally love Liam, Spartacus still be Andy. We capt the message, and aply it in our life. Be free, live you life the way you want, no matters what it cost.

    Andy was there, in every minute, and has the glory to make such an inspiring show. We will allways remember him like what he was, a heroe in life.
    I started the episode angry, couse when i listen the words “i’m Spartacus” in everybodys mouth dosen’t fell right, couse I associate that with Andy and only he. But at the end of the chapter they remind me why those few word where so important, couse with the correct sens, and in the right voice, represent life, proude, family, honor, courrage and all i see in Andy’s way to live.

    Thank you for share such beautifful thing with us, and open the door to you lovely family. Thank you for remaind us to love and live life every day.

    (sorry for my english is not my native language, but try to make me understand.)
    Hugs from yhe other side of the word)

  • Phoen1x1

    I just learned of this blog. Anyway I am very sorry for your loss, I loved watching Andy. Liam did a great job no doubt but Andy WAS SPARTACUS. I loved every minute he was on the screen, very believable. Life is not fair, so many crappy people inhabit this earth and a great guy like Andy has to leave us so damn early. I feel robbed and you must as well. Anyway peace out and good luck in the future for you and your family. Andy will always be missed by his legions of fans. RESPECT AND GRATITUDE..

  • Alex

    Few words to express admiration and gratitude.
    The message of freedom and fight for high ideals will never be forgotten.
    Maybe life itself is a difficult journey to full freedom itself.
    Greetings from Italia

  • Juliana Choe

    Hi Vashti,
    I wanted to share this beautiful poem about enduring the tests of life written by Elder M. Russell Ballard. This poem reminded me of Andy and your amazing strength throughout your journey…

    “The Oak Tree”

    A mighty wind blew night and day.
    It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,
    Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
    Until the oak was tired and stark.
    But still the oak tree held its ground
    While other trees fell all around.
    The weary wind gave up and spoke,
    “How can you still be standing, Oak?”
    The oak tree said, “I know that you
    Can break each branch of mine in two,
    Carry every leaf away,
    Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
    But I have roots stretched in the earth,
    Growing stronger since my birth.
    You’ll never touch them, for you see,
    They are the deepest part of me.
    Until today, I wasn’t sure
    Of just how much I could endure.
    But now I’ve found with thanks to you,
    I’m stronger than I ever knew.

    Thank you for inspiring us to live in the moment rather than dwelling in the past or fearing the future! Love to the littles!!

  • Barbiecorn

    Any was my favorite…he truly was Spartacus….I loved him and his love of his family….I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer last year while I was watching Spartacus and knew of Andy’s battle with cancer…I had surgery and hope to remain a survivor….Andy was way too young to be taken from us….I am a huge fan of Andy’s who was truly a beautiful man inside and out….my prayers go out to his loving wife and beautiful children….God Bless You All…

  • Jill Jansson

    Be Here Now….<3 <3
    Love that you and your husband touch so many of us!
    Thank you for letting him be a part of "my" life!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pleuratus Pirust Hasani

    The best show ever with the best performer. Andy Spartak Whitfield. I will always love you! Such a deep and great inspiration. Gratitude to his family for sharing him with us, and everyone else. It was because of Andy which made to me to get addicted and loving to the best series ever. I’ve got so much to say but so little ability to come to plain words.
    Hails from Albania! And know that your man has been an example of living every moment. Be Here Now!

  • http://DenverBucketList.com Chrissy Morin

    Each Spartacus episode brought back images of your much loved husband in the role. I cried and cried at the finale and it still haunts me from time to time.. You and your children were in our thoughts and prayers as we shared in those final moments … again… What a beautiful tribute.

  • Jennifer Boisvert

    I’m in tears. You went straight to my heart with that one. Goodbyes of any kind-whether it’s a made up death scene on TV or even waving goodbye at the airport dropping family off, I lose it. HARD. Saying goodbye is never easy. But even in goodbyes, you have managed to turn that word into Hello and Thank you. You are too wonderful, caring, sweet, honest, funny as hell, awesome, super duper and EPIC Vashti. Thank you for letting us all watch your amazingness unfold! We love you!!! <3

  • Nadine

    All I can say is “WOW……WOW…..Wow”.

    You truely are such a remarkable woman Vashti. Your words are so powerful. They just soar through my soal like rays of sunshine through a dark stormy cloud.

    It’s us that should be thanking you for sharing some of your most deepest and treasured thoughts, feelings and memories.

    I only hope I could be half the woman, wife and mother you have shown us to be.

  • Michele

    thank you, for everything you are doing to keep up the memory of Andy … it’s in everyone’s heart even people like me who knew so little …. Spartacus is Andy, Andy is Spartacus. … he is the champion for all of us in life that he did with honor and love for his family …. I’m Italian, Andy is in the heart of the world …

  • Gavin

    Still here, and have been since the beginning of your blog, still love and admire you. And Andy. A man I wish I could have claimed as a friend. You Inspire me and remind me what can be done in spite of a broken heart. The both of you are definitions of courage. Courage is not being unafraid, courage is doing the right thing in spite of fear.
    I’ve often wondered which I wanted to be, the artist or the art. The hero in life, or the hero in a story. The actor or the character. And the wonderful thing is that Andy, through some strange magical, alchemical process, became both. Andy was Spartacus in a very real sense – he was a hero for the hopeless in life and on screen. And like the character he played, in being taken too soon he became eternal.
    Thanks Vashti, for your work and your example of courage and grace.

  • http://www.tarotmagick.co.uk Victoria Zasikowski

    I didn’t watch anything after series one, I just couldn’t, but my partner did. He mentioned they showed Andy in the very final scene, so I rewound the download to view it. That was exactly as it should have been, because while I’m sure the other actor was great, ANDY was Spartacus. It gave me the goosebumps to see him and know he had been acknowledged in this way.

  • Hilda

    Dear Vashti,

    I finished watching Spartacus four hours ago, and of those four hours a major part has been spent familiarizing myself with Andy’s incredible story. I just wanted to try to put to words the many feelings the story of Andy Whitfield has brought me; I would like to express my deepest, deepest sadness at the loss you and all those who loved him have suffered. I cannot pretend to understand the pain of losing someone so precious, but I hope comfort can be found in the way Andy and his talent and story still continue to inspire and awe people. Furthermore I want to tell you of the gratitude I feel when I watch the first season of Spartacus; to see how this talented, amazing man brought to life one of the most legendary tales of all has been a privilege. More than that, I’d like to express my gratitude for all the important work you yourself are doing in making the documentary Be Here Now. Words can never be enough, but I wish all the best to you and your children, and to everyone still missing Andy. I hope to see the finished documentary soon.

    Best wishes from a fan forever,
    Hilda + family from Finland

  • India Courtney

    The show and Andy’s performance still lives on. It is once again showing on American television to be enjoyed by even more people.
    I was sure to buy all seasons when they became available, but I value the ones with your husband the most.
    He had that certain something that is undefinable, but jumps off the screen when you see it. I can only wonder at the lost performances he had yet to give.
    I am but a spectator, but the pain of your loss will always with you. Never to leave, only for you to learn to live with. It breaks my heart as the love you two shared was palpable.
    As we approach the 3rd year anniversary of losing Andy, know that many still think of you both and hold in our hearts. Bless you
    ( Indi )

  • Kristy

    I just watched Spartacus Blood and Sand Season 1 and instantly became a fan. I was so looking forward to a second season, thinking it was a new series. I googled Andy’s name to find out when it would be on and found out that not only is the series a few years old, but that Andy has passed away also. I knew this, though, in the back of my mind because I remember reading the article in People magazine years ago and being saddened by the story. I did not put it together that this was the same person in Spartacus until today though. I have spent the entire day with either tears coming down or threatening to. This series was amazing. Andy was Spartacus. I am so sorry for your loss of someone so beautiful inside and out.

  • Pamela Horowitz

    My name is Pamela and today is January 2,2016.
    I finished watching the second season of Sparticus
    and it was your husbands ability to encompass all aspects
    of genuine emotion, strength, compassion and all that
    I could never dream in true integrity of spirit and soul.
    I am truly mesmerized by his ability in being, his being
    kept me connected to its truth. I walk with his words
    of being in the hands of the Gods, and by the impact of his
    truth in those moments that I was struck by this truth
    that I can place myself in the hands of the Gods.

    When I did not recognize him in the 3rd season of
    Sparticus, and then saw by watching that it was not
    him, his passion, his physical being so magnetic to
    it’s purpose…I was angry it was not him and that the
    other actor was there, not as the man that I had watched
    with so much inspiration and grace and effortless believability
    in each fight, the man that could fight 4 men at a time
    and the grace in watching him do so, made me believe
    stronger in the fact that we can all do so. That I can
    in my life emulate that honor that he showed not as an
    actor, but as a true maker of rain.

    when I saw it was not him, I immediately went to look him
    up on what we all use to learn more these days and I was
    and am heartbroken to see what I was so lucky to see in
    him…the reality that the loss of his being is no longer of
    this world…but is forever in my world now in 2016.

    I do not write his name because his being is profound and to
    write his magnificence of soul feels more genuine, in the sense
    of not knowing him but believing in everything he brought to me
    in watching him encapsulate the essence of grace in every scene
    I am privileged to have now in my life. it is hard to watch the third
    season, because the new actor, although good, is not the presence
    of the man who is more than Sparticus. He made Sparticus real. He
    is the soul that I feel who is now with me in how he mirrored the true
    meaning of love of humanity, compassion and strength in being.

    I feel that honor that he showed me, I feel that I will place myself in the
    hands of the Gods. he is here to show us that it is so and can be so.

    my heart and mind are open to what he has shown me and the strength
    of his soul in its truest form has shown everyone

    Thank you Vashti for giving us all this platform to believe and manifest.

    much gratitude and love to your souls in being and strength in living to be
    here now, to the the light and guidance he has shown.

    Pamela
    photographybypamela@gmail.com

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