I’m back in the wonderful world of Sydney, the city that has and always will offer up the most wonderful soul soothing combination of city, land and ocean- scape’s, that allow me to feel like I’m aligned with all the different aspects of myself.
One of the many incredible things that I have learned since losing Andy but have only recently been able to put words to, is that when you lose someone you love, the NEED to connect with certain people and to be in and around certain places, becomes not only an integral part of the support structures needed to learn to walk again, meaning what it actually takes to learn to be in the world without that person being physically in your life.
But so too do those important people and familiar places, re -connect you with your missing piece, your missing person and afford the necessary amount of sticky glue needed, to have the dual realities that you are now living, the before and after, as I call it, of the life that you once shared together, coupled with the rather surreal of the NOW and the new life you are trying to lead, work strangely, but very necessarily in parallel.
Its like a new house, with an old chair, where there are new beginnings in every room and from time -to – time and maybe even several times a days at the beginning, you will need to sit alone in the old chair and as the future unfolds around you regardless, the arms of the old chair consistently hold you tight, reminding you of you were, who you are and who you will be….with and with out them, before and after.
Being able to be at the ocean, work in the buzz of a beautiful city and stand amongst such wide and open spaces, while still feeling that you are part of a vibrant, dynamic city, is key for me right now in order to exist without constantly wishing myself somewhere else. But even more than that, Sydney to me is the place where Andy and I lived, loved and finally let go of each other and the space where my before and afters, are able continue to exist in parallel.
Thank you as always for your contribution and keep posting below, because when you take the time to write you add value, influence and support to the MMQ community and of course, me.
Nothing but love…