Image: JC & AW: A little bromance between two young dudes, who inspired each other to grow….

Today I begin another little blog theme called, ‘Note to self”. They will be a collection of badly written little notes that I jot down along the way as I embark on yet another crazy new chapter. It might be a one liner or page of Geminian up and down babble. In fact I am beginning to release that being a Gemini is more of a condition that an astrological star sign and its only taken me 40 years to get that!. Agh! Anyway whatever it is, it will be written with the intention of supporting and maintaining growth, for you and I!

Note to self…

Standing today in an offices which in truth are a little bigger than I need, is for me an absolute, in the manifestation of what I intend to create. Instead of being filled by ‘ Oh **!! how am gonna make this happen?!’ I am literally buzzing from head to toe the second I walk through the door with the complete clarity, determination and  knowing of what I am capable of building and creating here.
Not to mention that this massive bungie jump outside of my comfort zone would, if I’d had any, have tripled the size of my mighty b-ll’s!
So the insight here my lovely MMQ community to be lived, loved and learned, is about creating a space that is big enough to allow yourself to grow, physically, metaphorically, financially, emotionally and any other ….’lly’ you can think of.
Sometimes with a little bit of calculated risk, a bad- arse plan and a willingness to jump into your life and see it as the invigorating ocean of possibility that is, is all that you can do.

Time is of the essence my lovelies, where are you playing it safe, small and in a space that no longer fits…

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Image from the beautiful little book All The Love In The World by Jesse Hunter

In the midst of my office move, I dashed into my favourite cafe to grab a little bit of something green after a rather up and down week of nurturing myself. There sitting on the bench, under her black cap, in a slice of afternoon sun, sat a familiar figure. Whilst I recognised the physique, I had to look twice at the long blonde hair of my fellow cafe- goer and neighbour, as I didn’t recognise the feel of her or the lack of her vibrant and enigmatic self. As she looked out from under her cap and forced an expected smile, I knew in an instant that something had changed in her world.

I took my place next to her and waited, knowing all too well of the need to be immersed in the day to day, with locals wondering by, waving an un -needy ‘Hi!’ and never getting into more than a gentle and superficial chat. Slowly, with eyes glazed and her sparkle dulled, she asked me how I was. So in my usual bare – all manner I explained the ups and downs of my life and took her on a small detour through the lanes of my latest ventures with work, life and love. As she giggled at my rantings and smiled and my silly tales of my Geminian madness, the frost began to melt, but who now sat beside me, was not the young woman I had briefly known, but a different person, whose depth and gaze now silently screamed the extraordinary pain, etched deep from the icy breeze of grief.

Exactly two years previously outside the same cafe, as the owner bustled in and out, collecting the discarded coffee cups and salad bowls, she found my friend uncontrollably sobbing under the tree, her face was wet with the constant bleed of loss, after her brother, a twin to her younger sister, had in the  blink of a tired eye, died unexpectedly and suddenly.

As we talked today, two years on, the story was now of her father, who after long years of grief and fight, had finally passed from his Cancer . This time the tears did not tumble, instead they felt forcibly paused, held back by the impenetrable forcefield of determination, that is so desperately needed to help make it through the next few weeks, through the cards, through the visitors and through the haze of the necessary organisation required and then of course there are the flowers….so many flowers, where forever more, unless standing in a wild and wonderful garden, more than a few bunches of blooms scattered around your home, will consistently trigger a mild sense of nausea, with the intense memory of just how quickly these beautiful things all died in your care, as they arrived in their multiples all singing a chorus of the hymn chosen for the unexpected funerals to come.

As I watched her greet the condolences that passed by in the street, I heard her as if woodenly scripted, quote those familiar lines, the ones you choose, your standard three responses, to reassure, acknowledge and sometime close a conversation that has no where to go. But as we sat in the sun together, bouncing banter and bereavement into a conversation only shared by those who have travelled in the arctic conditions of loss, I knew just as she, that one day soon the season of grief would turn and the little shrubs of possibility, held back by the cold, would slowly begin to blossom as they readily turned their face to the sun.

Today is a big day for me, as the frost is long gone, I collect the keys for my new offices, symbolising yet another stage of new beginnings for this forty year old, widowed, passionate little Lioness. I am excited, terrified, committed, doubtful, uncertain and sick to my stomach with the apprehension of it all, but some how amidst the loss of my man, nearly 2 years ago, in the depths of back of beyond, in the darkness of the unknown, I found a new little part of my self and the voice of a woman who shouts louder than fear, with a mantra of,

Live life now!’……..

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In a blink we have reached the end of the  Live and Learn 8 week challenge and whilst this is the final worksheet for this manifestation mindset training, it is by no means, time for you to stop focusing on what you most want for your life. I am hoping that you now have each of your 7 worksheets positioned somewhere that will keep you focused on the big picture and mindful of what you could be doing in your day to day, to keep you moving progressively forward. So lets now look to the last and final worksheet from this series and see what more we can squeeze out, to live, love and learn as much as possible from our insightful self.

In this last worksheet I want you to imagine that it is in fact one year from now, which would make it June 2014 (Yikes!) Next using your Live and Learn Worksheet reflect back over June 2014 – June 2013 and think about what were the lightening- bolt turning points, choices, actions and decisions that you made, that significantly impacted your life for the better. For example it could read March 2014/ I took the plunge and handed in my notice or Dec 2013/ I decided to go back to school and study Business…..

I invite you, whilst looking back over the year of 2014 – 2013, to really identify  the 5 major turning points that took place. Once you have completed this final sheet, you can then begin the process of brainstorming the little steps that need to happen between then and now, to get the ball rolling.

This is an extraordinary exercise and one that Andy and I, along with our closest friends used to complete every New Years Eve to help and inspire our intentions and actions for the following year.

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Here is a beautiful little short film, written and directed by two of my dearest friends. Watch, support and be inspired by their passion, humour and creativity.

The post Four seasons of love… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I have outgrown my little office and today I take the plunge and sign the lease for a much bigger space. I spent much of the afternoon yesterday sitting rather uncomfortably, with acid in my throat, fidgety and agitated to all those around and stuck in a thinking pattern,  as to why this was such a bad idea!

Then just in that moment of wanting to melt down, in the overwhelm of indecision, I realised that the feelings that had me in such state of intense discomfort, were completely and utterly self-inflicted and that the only person that could resolve this rather revolting situation, was of course…. me.

So I stopped and ran through the obvious scenario of not taking on the new office space and all the implications that accompanied that rather more safe  and ‘responsible’ option, and found myself  filled with such a deep sense of regret, that in a matter of seconds, I slammed the door shut on the fingers of my fear and ran as fast as I could, with my metaphoric paint brush in hand, ready to continue passionately painting the life I see so vividly ahead.

This whole experience reminded me of when Andy took his first mighty jump as an actor and despite the finical implications and Jesse being only 12 weeks old, said yes to a world of possibility.

I breathed in that memory and listened to a replay of my own words,

‘What would be more inspiring, for our son to know that his daddy took the safe option or to know that he chose to honour his creativity and passion?’

I then took a moment to read through just a few of the birthday messages from my closest friends, revisited what it is I most want to do with my life over the next decade and skipped through the stages of how I might bring this juicy master plan to life.

I chose to dive right back into a L.A. turquoise pool of possibility and replace my ulcer – forming- fears, with some serious focus and a step by baby step ‘Come on Lady, you can make this happen!’ plan.

So I invite ALL of you, who like me are wasting your precious time and energy, thinking about why it won’t work, to walk through a door of new perspective and begin focusing on why it WILL.

So here it is again!

‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’  - Anais Nin

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I am here at last.

I remember watching my mum cry on her 40th birthday and I swore to myself that forty for me would be the bench mark of my womanhood. Or something along the lines of what womanhood meant to a 10 year old girl. What I didn’t know then was that her tears represented past expectations and assumptions of what turning forty had meant back then, you career was set, your sensuality dried up, the opportunity for change, lost and your savings metaphorically used up, on a way one ticket to the land of grey and forever uninspired. Little did any of us know just how extraordinarily that could and would change, for our modern day ‘fourth – decader’.

I also remember being thirteen, stood in the high street, outside the department store, waiting for a bus. As I stood I watched countless glamorous ‘older’ women stroll in and out. I was in awe of how comfortable they looked in their skin and how confidently they walked, eyes blazing and hair flowing. I knew then that the days of feeling so awkward and misplaced would come to end and that I would wake up one day in years to come and have become the ‘older’ woman.

Today I am 40!

I begin a whole new decade of possibility, adventure, love, challenge, motherhood -beyond – babies, risk taking, travelling, consolidating and fearlessly being who I am now, a mother, a wife, a widow, a writer, a friend, a Coach, a lover, a daughter, a sister and woman in her prime.

I take with me so many life lessons from my thirties, but the most significant of all is the gut wrenching surrender required to bring life into this world and keep it safe and the learning to let go when the light has gone out.

So as I very gratefully and excitedly step into this the next stage of my life, I turn around one last time to wave good bye to my thirties. I breathe in an almighty breath and slowly exhale, the extraordinary and rather epic adventure that was the last 10 years of my recent life gone -bye…

To all you gorgeous individuals for your part in making my life what it was, is and WILL BE…….

The post Live, love, learn and let go…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I began the Live and Learn 8 week Challenge with the intention of warming up your manifestation muscles and initiating a new pattern of thinking, that would allow you to automatically focus on what you would most like, versus the completely useless process of focusing on what you don’t want. Now that we are nearing the end of our first challenge, I want to emphasise just how important it is to keep up the great work, as manifesting is a process that needs regular focus and clarification and like any muscle in your body, will need regular exercise and plenty of stretching.

If we can have the courage to picture the outcome, the manifestation skills, to write, draw and design how it could and would look and feel, we are then armed with the capacity to aim our focus in the direction that is aligned with what we most want. So this weeks Worksheet is about identifying exactly how you would like your week to look. What you would be doing, who you might be meeting, when you’d be exercising, writing, seeing a new client, time with the kids, getting your hair done, lunch with a friend, volunteer work  etc……..

This is a great exercise to complete every 3 months to bring your vision to life and to inspire focus and commitment towards your goals. If for any reason you are left feeling overwhelmed or finding yourself muttering ‘This is never gonna happen’ then scale it back. Leave the ultimate diary page on your desk or wall, but complete another one that feels more achievable and that allows you to see the progression needed.

Have fun and as aways I can’t wait to see a snapshot of how it will look! Click here for Worksheet 7

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This weekend I ran in the Barefoot race down at Bondi beach and when I say ran, I am definitely talking it up a little, as it was far more like a jog or a crawl, as I imagine for anyone watching me, unlike some of the svelte speedy runners sprinting through the sand, I in fact looked more like a small Staffordshire Bull Terrier, who has birthed one too many litters, puffing and panting with legs far too short to be running! But despite my out of shape, weazing effort, I loved every second of  it!

As I ran I thought of when Andy and I married over a decade ago and how, in front of a lovely celebrant, we declared the five things we most loved about each other. One of Andy’s points, was of just how much he loved seeing me run the soft sand and how much he looked forward to walking beside me at the age of 80 with a trail of small foot prints  in the shape of our legacy’s little toes, running behind. I have run the soft sand on and off for years and saw many a familiar face or butt, running past, beyond and then past again and despite my brain willing me to go faster, I chose to honour my bodies very clear stance in maintaining a consistent plod which gave me the unusual opportunity to look up while running.

As I ran this weekend, a week before my 40th, it was for me the first time in my life that I was able to sit in a place of absolute acceptance. It was a peaceful and inspiring place that allowed an unusual stillness in my mind and a smile in my heart, that as cheesy as that sounds, helped give me an incredible insight into how important it is to stop constantly aspiring to being bigger and better, when there is so much to see from where you are, if  you are willing to just stop for a moment and enjoy the view .

Watching Andy during the latter part his illness, lose the use of his legs, was a life lesson that will be etched into my brain for as long as I live and as much as I could have been so much healthier, fitter and stronger, putting my ego aside, I am completely in awe of the fact that my amazing little stocky Hobbit like thighs and slightly snotty, but magnificently large and clear lungs, carried me without complaint or injury, in the autumn sunshine, up and down my beloved Bondi beach, beside the incredible turquoise ocean.

Taking part in the run this weekend was symbolic for me in my moving forward, as over the next few months I will leave the safety of my little nurturing neighbourhood and return to the ocean, where Andy and I began our Australian adventure nearly 15 years ago…..

The post Because you can… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

This has been a very  interesting week for me and as much as the Universe has invited, suggested and literally shoved under my nose, the fact that it is up to me to place my focus in the appropriate place to not only create but attract what it is I most want, I have still frustratingly found myself defaulting to a rather self indulgent whinging, defeatist frame of mind.

Now given the fact that I am a pretty strong and rather powerful human being and woman, in the context of being able to make things happen, as we all are by the way, what I know, see and feel rather evidently happening, is that it works equally as powerfully when channeled the other way and rather than spending time manifesting how I want to be, or on the beautiful new office space that is about to present it self to me!!!!! (Did you hear that universe?!) I have been focusing on what I don’t have and where exactly I am NOT and so here I still am, in exactly the same place.

So after last weeks thought provoking Live and Learn Worksheet, which had you explore exactly how you have turned things around in your own life so far, this week we focus in on how you would like life to look right here and now and to help  support us all placing our focus on what it could look like moving forward, if we just channeled our incredibly powerful focus in the right direction and yes I did mention ‘FOCUS’ four times! Click here to download Worksheet 6 

Look forward to seeing and hearing from you soon!

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It is and has been a constant challenge, navigating my way through the ups and downs of redefining myself in the world without my man. I find myself not only bounding forward at an unbelievable speed of recovery, but consistently and just as powerfully, on a regular basis, metaphorically smashing head first into one of those invisible glass doors. You know the one’s, that feature on Funniest Home Videos, where some poor elderly person, child or animal, has charged full pelt into a closed invisible glass door and literally ricocheted back off. The ones that have safety glass on, so you don’t really injure yourself, but the bruise on your head and the absolute shock of how you, in your determination to get somewhere fast, chose to actually walk head on into something that would so obviously hurt.

I hope that this weeks Shareportfolio gives you just a little insight into how to move forward in your relationships, whilst honoring all that you love from the past. I am happy to say that I am slowly learning to walk a little slower or at least remembering to put my hand out first, if I feel the need to charge full speed ahead.

The post Shareportfolio: A place for everything… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Over the last month we have explored what and where, if given the opportunity, you might ride, explore and travel off to. We have entertained, visualised and day dreamed about the cities, countries and places that you would spend your time exploring, if given the choice.

We began the Live and Learn 8 week challenge for two very specific reasons – firstly to get your manifestation muscles warmed up for action and secondly to begin at a place where it is almost impossible NOT to define where you would like to ride away to culturally and geographically, if given the chance. The other very necessary reason for beginning here was to ensure that your ‘no way José, this is never gonna happen’ keep you safe, protected and small voice doesn’t feel the need to pipe up as you plan a fabulous holiday, move or visit, keeping these ideas in the non committal distance to avoid raising the anxiety levels of overwhelm and fear of failure. So now that you have seen your capacity to explore, visualise and define what and where you would most like to be (which I recommend you revisit and refine at least once a week) it is now time to go to the next level.

But before we close off the 8-week challenge by exploring what it is you would most like to do with your life and how you would most like to express yourself in the world, it is time to arm yourself with the ammunition needed to keep you strong and focused moving forward.

This week’s bossy blog and fifth worksheet is all about exploring the five key turning points in your life so far that have defined and shaped you. The key experiences that have either drawn a line in the sand and had you declare an almighty ‘NO!’, empowering and inspiring you to harness your courage and leap in your life, or where an unexpected acknowledgement or opportunity has opened up the gates and had you run powerfully into paddock of possibility and join up for free to the opportunist and visionary club of your own life.

So download the Week 5 Live and Learn worksheet and begin arming yourself with the evidence needed to remind yourself of what you are so very capable of Click here to down.

The post Live and Learn 8 Week Challenge: Worksheet 5 appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

It’s a cool autumnal morning and I have dragged my sorry self into the office, as my mind which was racing far before any tweeting birds or iphones, was thoroughly intend on powering up. My body however, which quite frankly is nearly twice its weight in thick green snot, was reluctant to do little more that haul my heavy arse of the sofa and grab yet another box of well needed snot-rags, to slowly finish making the second lunch box needed to send the little cubs off to school. So I warn you up front that the quality of writing today is read at you own risk and ask that you press pause on the judgment button, whilst navigating the even-more- than –usual, questionable grammatical choices and terrible spelling errors. Can you hear how sorry I am feeling for myself, hilarious right?

Anyway my trip to LA was cathartic, inspiring, overwhelming and so incredibly life affirming that it will take at least another week to process, but in the mean time I do want to follow up with you after having posted a small video diary (posted below), prior to my first ever viewing of the documentary and try to give you some sense of my personal experience, as a central character within the story versus an observer in the audience.

It is now just over a week since I watched the near complete version of the Be Here Now documentary and for all those wonderful fans and individuals that have been instrumental in having the film come this far, you will not be disappointed! The BHN team have done an awe – inspiring job of weaving together over a years filming, into one very beautiful, meaningful and incredibly inspiring story.

Shortly it will begin the next stage of its journey, one that is not only complex, given the nature of the films genre, but also in the fact that it requires just the right amount of patience and commitment to ensure that it reaches the appropriate distribution channels. This will not only see it honor its purpose, but will guarantee that it is available to as wide an audience as possible and make the difference that Andy so wanted, in sharing his very personal story.

I would like now to shift perspective a little and spend some time sharing with you what it was like to observe, re – live and experience the very unique opportunity of watching one’s own life gone by. The most overwhelming surprise, which was split clean down the middle, in a rather unfathomable separation of disappointment and relief, was the bizarre reality of just how long ago it all seemed and that right here, right now, I am living a very different life, my children are no longer babies, I feel a very different woman and have learned a whole new set of very independent life skills that enable me to live without my beautiful man.

There is a very strange mixture of feelings in all of that, a little like a bad cocktail, horribly strong in the first sip and yet unbearably watered down in the after taste. On one hand I felt so very relieved that I no longer have to watch my man struggle and fade as he travelled from here to there, or that I no longer have to be the soul supporter required to consistently give from a well of love, that felt sometimes like it had run dry. On the other hand, revisiting how extraordinarily strong and beautiful my husband was, or the untouchably close relationship that he and I travelled, as we navigated our way through life, leaves me not only incredibly grateful for the whole experience but wishing just for a moment that it didn’t all feel so incredibly far away.

As I walked out into the Californian sun, from the UTA screening rooms, with the BHN team, I found it incredibly hard to deconstruct the emotional rollercoaster I had ridden whilst watching the film and I have to say that at this stage that hasn’t become any clearer. But what I can tell you from the bottom of my heart is that it is an incredible story of not only one, but two people, who whilst faced with what seemed like a hopeless situation stepped through their fear, time and time again and whilst I am left a little dazed and confused by the whole experience, the one thing I am one hundred percent clear about, is that we do indeed get only one life and if we are really to honour being right here, right now, then it is up to us to seize all that was can today in a passionate pursuit of tomorrow.

The post Here and there…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Here it is, the fourth MMQ Studio worksheet for the Live and Learn 8 Week Challenge. Every week I’ll be posting a complimentary worksheet that you can download.  The worksheet contains a creative exercise that will help you take the first steps towards envisioning and expressing the life that you truly want.  After the 8 weeks are up, you will have a blue print for some pretty amazing long term goals and a clearer idea of what needs to happen in the short term to help turn them into a reality. You will also walk away with some fantastic resources to support and inspire you in how to manifest anytime, anyplace and anywhere! But before you get started watch the update on how to use The Wall to your advantage, as it is a fantastic resource in honing your big picture thinking and your ability to powerfully and positively place your focus.

What, why and when, this weeks Live and Learn exercise is really going to work your manifestation muscles. This is the last of our travel away Worksheets and bossy Vlogs, before I not only change my outfit ( thank goodness ) but we also completely change gear and mindfully step into manifesting how we would most like to express ourselves in the world. Stay tuned and if you have not already done so, make sure you complete the previous worksheets ASAP. You are more than welcome to post your sheets in the comments section of the blog or email them direct to me.

I can’t wait to see this weeks responses and look forward to MANY completed week 4 worksheets, get my drift?!

Click here to download Worksheet 4!

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‘I want to check out this great new place around 4.30…ok? Oh and a buddy of mine is also just finishing off a new commission so we can check that out too, ok?’ …Was about how the conversation went with my dear friend and best buddy of Andy’s.

Little did I know that the 10 days prior to our departure from Sydney to LA there had in fact been a covert operation planned!

‘I want a piece of art for her early 40th. I want her to have an Andy tree and feel she has roots in LA. I want the Lioness to show her strength, her pride and her love. I want the butterfly so that the kids will recognise their daddy there. I want the piece to share the story of the tattoos she has on her body after her journey with Andy.’ … were just a few of her requests.

‘Ok so you want a canvas, a painting? How big would like it.’

‘NO! Not a canvas I want a WALL. I want her to walk down a street in Venice Beach and see her life in LA, here and now. So she can Be Here Now even when she is not there!

And so on Sunday afternoon, at Venice Beach, in California at 4.25 pm, after nearly two full days of hard work, multicolored hands, legal wall space acquisition, multiple e- mails and images across the Pacific, I found myself pottering down Speedway Street, between 19th and 18th and above is what I stumbled upon. Mind blowingly beautiful, on so many levels.

Thank you Georgia and the amazing Guy and all of those that made this extraordinary mural come to life!

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I am here packing my bag for the trip tomorrow and writing little notes to go under the ‘cubs’ pillows for every night that I am away. In my head, rolling around is the question that everyone keeps asking, with their face slightly grimacing; with the anticipation of how incredibly challenging they think it will be for me.

‘How are you feeling about watching the documentary?’ asked again and again and again.

When I think back to how I felt this time last year as we ventured off away from home, I see myself like a skeleton, bony and bare and so unprotected, with very little of anything holding me together. But this time as I leave my nurturing, safe and leafy street, along with the soft, reassuring and familiar skirt, that I have held onto and hidden behind for so long, in this little city of Sydney, I leave a very different woman, one that has gratefully grown so very incredibly strong.

I am excited and nervous, about the opportunity to go away and close my 39^th year exploring, experiencing and I guess adventuring into such uncharted territory. I feel privileged and in awe of the opportunity to watch and reflect on such a significant part of our lives, to relive and experience such a raw and beautiful love and to observe it all, with a perspective that has time travelled forward.

I am also aware of the sadness that has begun nestling in my stomach at the thought of watching my beautiful mans light fade, as I, from my chair, live and breathe in today knowing that he did not get to see tomorrow. I am apprehensive of feelings that I have firmly put to the side, that have me question my contribution, my love and my support… was it enough, could it have been more and what if, what if, what if.

But as much as I can entertain those questions that hurl me back into the world of unanswerable, I now know that I have the capacity to choose to walk this chapter with a very different mindset and in honour of the legacy that my man; with his blue eyes blazing, wanted so passionately to leave behind, I am utterly ready, like a woman in the first stages of labour, to breathe, focus, trust, surrender and scream as loudly as I need to, to birth this incredible story, into LIFE.

See you on the other side…..

The post Being here now…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

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Here it is, the second MMQ Studio worksheet for the Live and Learn 8 Week Challenge. Every week I’ll be posting a complimentary worksheet that you can download.  The worksheet contains a creative exercise that will help you take the first steps towards envisioning and expressing the life that you truly want.  After the 8 weeks are up, you will have a blue print for some pretty amazing long term goals and a clearer idea of what needs to happen in the short term to help turn them into a reality. You will also walk away with some fantastic resources to support and inspire you in how to manifest anytime, anyplace and anywhere! But before you get started watch the update on how to use The Wall to your advantage, as it is a fantastic resource in honing your big picture thinking and your ability to powerfully and positively place your focus.

Have you ever found yourself feeling like on the outside you are doing all the ‘right’ stuff, as in setting goals and taking action, but somehow, for some  strange reason just not getting any traction?

Think of it like this, your head and your thoughts can dominate your actions, but if they don’t align with what your heart, your core values, or the things that really matter to you, which often only reveal themselves when you get told something like, ‘ you have 6 months to live’ etc, you will constantly be going after something that either doesn’t eventuate or consistently doesn’t seem to work out for you.

So today in an attempt to break that cycle, we are going to get stuck into Worksheet 2 of which, if you really give 100%, will support you getting clearer and clearer about what you really want for your one precious life.

Time to step out of the detail and explore life from a slightly different perspective, enjoy the bossy vlog and get stuck in as soon as you can - Click here to down load the Live and Learn Worksheet 2 ! 

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Yesterday along with being the most incredible Autumnal day, which the ‘Cubs’ and I spent splashing around, at our favourite little beach, a place that holds magnificent memories, like a tree at harvest time, mouthwateringly ripe and yet overwhelming with the abundance of where to start…… I had my monthly catch up with Lilibet, the Director of Be Here Now. We talked about where the film was at and just how she was feeling about my imminent arrival in the US. Over the next few days I will share with you what it feels like for me to be literally travelling back in time, watching, observing and re -living such an extraordinary window in my/our lives, the opening and ……….closing of such a very beautiful chapter.

I felt that this, following on from the completion of Spartacus, was a really important time for Lilibet to inspire and share with you as to where the Be Here Now documentary is at, to remind you that love, life and legacy are all about how you choose to live, right here, right now.

A note from Lilibet Foster

Many of you have asked if the film is finished and when you will be able to see it. Where we regularly post updates, I wanted to send you a personal note to give you a close-up picture of where we are in the process. We crossed a major threshold this week and we are now close to a final cut and the end of the first phase of editing (what is known as the off-line). This is exhilarating.

It also means that we are ready to show the film to Vashti. She is flying over next week and Sam and I will show her the film for the first time. We have been talking about this for a while because it the most important step towards finishing the film. But, I must admit that I’m nervous about showing it to her. Yesterday, while I was working with our amazing editor, Dave Meneses, it occurred to me that this is because I’ve been living in the past while, simultaneously, Vashti has been embracing the present. And, in her inimitable way, she has bravely fought through the past 18 months and come out the other end. When we show her the film next week, we will be taking her back in time to a place that she has grown beyond.

Knowing Vashti and her ability to face what is most challenging rather than cower behind it, I am confident that she is ready to see the film. I also know that we have been working hard to bring out her and Andy’s inspirational personalities and humor so that in the end, although their journey is difficult and they are pushed to and reveal their limits, we hope it will be an uplifting and beautiful story.

As a person, and not as a documentary filmmaker, I think that there is always a reason I’m invited into someone’s life to tell their story and that I will learn something valuable to take into my own life. What I’ve realized is that Andy and Vashti are more than inspirational to me. They are also aspirational because they approach life with compassion, clarity of thought, understanding, openness, egolessness and love (in the real sense of these attributes).

We hope all of this comes across in the film for you, our so appreciated audience. Next week, I also hope that Vashti will be excited by the film and that I’ve honored the responsibility that she and Andy placed in me and all of us who are making this film, when they selflessly and generously allowed us to follow them through this part of their lives, so that their story may be shared with all of you.

Next, will be to do all the necessary last steps, such as, finishing the music and graphic design as well as color correcting and mixing the film (known as the online editing). And then we will begin the long process of getting it into all the channels of distribution by first submitting it to, and hopefully being accepted at, international film festivals. This takes a little time so thank you for your help and patience. You will be the first to know about every step we take!

The post Stepping into the past, a note from the Be Here Now Director… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I have the absolute pleasure of working with this powerhouse of a sexy and intelligent woman. She is a fellow lioness, a mother to three gorgeous girls, a very successful CEO to an international company and a human being that inspires me no end. We are currently working together to explore what her next chapter could look like and to work through a couple of self generated blocks that appear to have her in a holding pattern that contradicts her obvious fearlessness to seize life so very whole heartedly. Today I would like to share a little of her life with you and hope that it will inspire you in some way.

As part of her Coaching process and a commitment to recreate her passionate relationship with writing, we set a very specific action to write about something deeply personal that has not only shaped who she is, but consistently reminds her as to what is most important in life. We also agreed that we would have it published in one way or another to break through her own ego of whether or not it was good enough, because if it could support making a difference to one person, then why wouldn’t you face you fear and put it out there anyway…right?

Please be aware before you read this very candid piece of writing that, in the Maybe McQueen bear all philosophy to create awareness compassion and insight, that some of the honest content might be quite confronting. However I share it with you, with the absolute determination to support you growing, learning and loving the magnificent life you have. We all have a story people, some brighter and some darker, but it is how you choose to live and learn from your past that determines the life you lead, right here, right now. I really do believe that when the time is right, if you are willing to look up, your green bud of spring will appear.

Guest post by Kate……

HE WAS MY BROTHER… 

“We are sorry for your loss”, “our deepest sadness and heartfelt sympathy”, “we will treasure him and remember him always”, “a gift, his life was taken before his time and for this we carry every regret”, “We are here with you, our thoughts, our love, our care”….

The words jumble around the courier delivered flowers, fruit boxes, massage vouchers, the world stops and cocoons with you for a moment…phone calls, meal parcels and then there’s tomorrow.

And the tomorrows hurt, and the days after, the funeral arrangements. No-one prepared you for this. His body kept at a foreign cool temperature for optimum preservation while you get to say your goodbyes. Choosing his burial outfit, his favourite top, sneakers or proper shoes…ermm sneakers. Where’s the memo, hey, your youngest brother will die at 25, here’s the checklist. Hello Valium, your new best friend. Oh, and hello Mr super friendly, served with a kick Vodka. A couple of shots to view the body, tick, a few more shots afterwards while you stave off the reality and face the next phone call. Tick. A few smashing shots before the funeral, a comfortable haze kicks in.

The blurr, the auto-pilot the survival button depressed on FULL ALERT.  Its Vodka for breakfast, or yesterday’s lunch or perhaps it was dinner. Life is grey and patchy, the colour fell out of it, discarded with yesterday’s news.

I know about this life. It will trickle by, empty now of the space he filled. What the dirty sneakers smelt like and how many times you yelled for him to leave them outside, when he visited. You hanker for any familiarity to come racing back, you’ll take it all unjudged, the mouthwatering and the repellent, because all of this made up him, and you can’t just drink him in anymore. You can’t filter out the good parts and the parts you don’t need to know about. When you realize this, tears burn, a torrid path of sadness. If only…The days then fill with if only, if only burns, its welts a scar, finger nails across your breathe, cold tendrils around your insides, whispering the thickly guilt ridden, why didn’t I…. Why didn’t I just say this, why didn’t I let him win our last fight, why didn’t I tell him I loved him before the jump, no I was waiting to watch him fly. You keel with the sob, unexpected, gurgling out of you, no time to catch it first. A sister’s sadness, even the Vodka cannot keep it at bay.

The casket has been sent into the hurtling flames, you don’t want to think about it. The next chapter unveils itself. To someone else, it’s just another day, time to switch on the 6pm news. For you it’s a step in discourse, you stare blankly at a screen, maybe its been hours, the meaning lost between the seconds and the minutes scratching past in grief. You were just thinking about asking him around for dinner, he’d be starving after training, you go to the fridge and its not until the saucepan is on the stove, that you realize he’s gone. The meaningful others and well wishes, fade with the days ahead. For you, it will always be as real as your earliest memories, family. So you set a place for him anyway, it’s too soon to leave an empty chair.

Sometimes you think you see him in the street, you chase after him, his name escapes your lips, then you remember, it won’t be him that turns to answer. You stand at the counter, his favourite CD in hand, Christmas is around the corner, just as you pay you remember he won’t be here for Christmas. A quiet sob escapes. Much quieter now, as its been months and you’re growing used to this new rhythm. To the sister of only one brother now soundtrack. You make choices, choice about life and the world moves from black and white to a warm sepia. One day the colour returns, but its tapestry is different and you carry that ‘different’ with you. A bundle of memories, folded in your pocket, with you when you need them. The girl at the checkout counter smiles, and this time you remember to smile back. Hey, its going to be Ok.

HE WAS MY SON…

Fuck you world and you too God, you’re not there are you?

I had to be brave. I still had to push. I had to meet him, the little man I’d carried for 9 months. The healthy cherub that was going to be the first-born son. My nights, head and belly had swooned with motherhood. I talked and sung, I told him stories. We chose our football team. We discussed schooling, we had the girlfriend talk, just quietly, he and I, mother to son, sharing thoughts and values as I waddled the long stretch of the corridor to pee for the one-millionth time. He was going to be perfect, in the only way a mother can feel about their child, growing and blossoming inside them.

“Kate, here’s the grief counsellor, she’s going to talk you through this”. I look up over my swollen belly and hospital gown. “Kate, there are a few things we need to talk about. Do you want him placed directly on you, or would you like him swaddled and wrapped?”

Oh JESUS. What is she saying. I’ve never seen anyone dead, let alone my own son. How do I answer that. He’s my baby, please just give him to me. “Kate, there’s the details of his birth and death certificate, what would you like his full name to be. Would you like him cremated, or buried….A large number of couples don’t survive this trauma so we provide a full grief service support, for as long as you need the counselling”

A wracking contraction rips through me, I let out a deep guttural sound. My husband holds one hand, his eyes closed in sleep, his perfect nose and the familiar shape of his lips, finally real infront of me, his lashes long and full. I take in every detail, his finger nails, the shape of his hands, I kiss his forehead and hand him to my husband to hold. Safely in his fathers arms, he leans to kiss him, father to son, the resemblance is striking. So handsome both. A tear slips quietly, a disturbed path across my husband’s cheek. I hover somewhere far above, floating and drifting, watching this strange scene unfold below.

Our little baby is weighed and measured. All his details recorded in his little bluebook, including his time of death in-utero, 8hours ago, 10.23pm. He is unwrapped. From the safety of the ceiling, I see his broad shoulders, the curve of his chest, his perfect feet and I wonder how I’m able to float up here and yet see everything. Its all perfectly clear, accept for the black and white lens, the hospital gown is no longer blue, it’s a shade of grey. I float to the bathroom to change, I stare into the eyes of a stranger, they are dark grey and afraid, a different girl is peering out.

We leave him, alone. The hospital will keep him for a week, so we can go back and visit, say our goodbyes, introduce the family. Oh, Mum, I can’t wait for you to meet him, he’s just delish…her silence is deafening…yes of course I’ll come to the hospital, but oh, darling…I’m so very sorry that he’s dead.

The car trip home is still, a slick emptiness dangerously threatens to swallow me hole. I haven’t spoken, or made a sound, no tears. I took the drugs to stop my milk from coming in. I want to hide. The front door opens and my world falls apart. I didn’t know you can come home without your baby. I can’t walk past his room, his empty cot, his first blanket waiting in anticipation, the beautiful crafted owl, keening for a friend that will never come to play.

I lie in an embryonic pile, sobbing on the floor, the walls of the house echoing and bouncing in sadness. The days drip by, tripping and falling into each other, a dark monotone. I heal quietly on the outside, but the inside can’t quite catch up. I see him in my dreams, my smiling gurgling cherub, I awake to race and greet him and realise that my day time is the nightmare.

My sleep comes in fits and starts. I flip on the news – WORLD HORROR on the largest scale. GLOBAL ACT OF TERRORISM. Twin Towers collapse, people fall, others leap, lives obliterated. A BIG FAT welcome to my FUCKED UP WORLD.  Come join my page. Black and White, horrific. Come march the same tune, the dark drum of sadness, of terror and loss.

Then one day I catch it from the corner of my eye, a small fresh sprig of green, so small and fragile, delightedly quivering in a light morning breeze. It stops me dead. I stare in wonderment, hey, I want to shout. HEY! HEY WORLD! Look at this. A tiny perfect sign of life – see it, see it for what it is, look how bravely it stands alone and faces the world. Look at its colour, a wild and magnificent green. How can we not live with this, how can we not dream again, how can we not see the great potential of life. C’mon, lets race, the first to the corner wins.

Kate x

The post Share Portfolio – The first sign of spring… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Manifesting not only takes time, commitment and focus but it also takes being willing to step beyond a fear of failure and beyond a fear of the unknown so please be aware of the following:

1. Do not let challenge of your current situation stop you thinking, dreaming and imagining big! The only way to break the cycle is to see beyond it. I understand that for some of you this is a colossal challenge, but I know that if you dig deep you have the capacity to look far and wide.

2. If you don’t take the time to imagine, think and declare what you would most like, nothing is likely to change and you could wind up one of those complainers who not only becomes a self fulfilled prophecy but also see’s their friends cross the road in an attempt to avoid the repetition of your story.

3. However similar the first four worksheets may appear, each one, if you give them a go, will provide new insight, clarity and awareness in what you most want in your life.

4. I am sharing a creative process with you to inspire personal responsibly, insight and awareness in how your can positively take responsibility for designing the life you most want . It is up to you and only you so please give it 100%.

Click here to download my first Live and Learn worksheet Stay tuned for next week’s worksheet  and share your insights and questions below in the comments section.

Lastly, I apologise in advance for the horrendous over use of the words, journey, inspiring, manifesting and incredible. Have fun and enjoy the process, here is my example Worksheet 1….

The post Live and Learn 8 week challenge: worksheet 1 appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

The final and last episode ever of Spartacus has aired, signifying layer upon layer of closure, completion and the end of one very extraordinary chapter for so many different people.

Over the last 24 hours I have received countless messages, e – mails and example, after example of the dramatic influence, inspiration and meaning, that this show and of course Andy’s short time on it, has caused for countless individuals  from literally all around the world.

No one can ever fully anticipate what or who will resonate in inspiring, empowering or moving another human being. The opportunity that Andy was given and his absolute determination to give above and beyond to honor this role, played a significant part in the love, support and companionship that he and I were (and still are ) so beautifully graced with, by all of those (you) who were so very touched by him in some way. So today I am writing to simply say thank you.

Thank you for…

…The chance to empower a beautiful man to grow from engineer to actor

…To allow my shy, gentle husband, to grow from a meow to a raaaaagh, as he faced his fears and deepest insecurities, in taking on the role of his lifetime

…For your ongoing support, love, loyalty, generosity, passion and determination to follow and champion the show and its enormous success and influence

…For your tenderness, your caring and your dogged support in holding Andy so tight while he bravely explored and then battled his illness…

…For your openness and commitment, kindness and loyalty, in protecting, nurturing and supporting me and my cubs, through out and along side …

…For the giant wall of strength that you are and the incredible force that has enabled Andy’s legacy to be brought to life, in the making of the Be Here Now documentary…(which is in its final stages of completion)

…For the generosity that has poured in like a monsoon

…For being inspired enough by one mans life and another woman’s journey to courageously live your life to the fullest

…and lastly for your companionship, you love and your acceptance of me, as I, sometimes ungracefully but with absolute commitment, endeavor to honor myself, my man, my cubs and you.

Above is a picture of the incredible giant broken butterfly who we found some time ago, waiting for us at our front door.

‘Look mummy, daddy has come to visit.’ squealed Indi with delight.

To this day that butterfly that was Andy, reminds me that however broken or however sad a situation, beauty is always, always there, if you are just willing to look for it.

Thank you again from the bottom of my big warm heart!

The post At the end you will find the beginning… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

The amazing Todd Phillpot, a Bondi local who inspires me every time I see his silhouette at the top of the steps ready for his daily ocean swim. This incredible man hops down the steps, onto the soft sand, down into the waves and off for his swim. I have never seen him sway or fall, with his incredibly powerful body, passionate heart and determined mind, working so extraordinarily as a team to really make the most of his one life.

Here is a short feature to inspire yet more thinking about what it could mean to use your limitation to shape you, instead of breaking you.

The post Getting back up and out there… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

One of my best friends works in his family business, where they run beautiful trips up and down the river, on magnificent looking barges, he also studied yacht design, races annually in quite crazy weather conditions and yet he cannot swim!!! This is a double edged sword for me, as on one hand it seems ridiculous that he would endanger himself in such a risky way, but on the other hand, I am inspired by the fact that he is determined to do the things he loves without letting his limitation get in his way. But here is my question, what stops him learning to swim?

Recently I was lucky enough to spend a day on Sydney’s harbor, where we travelled to some of the outer beaches, we dropped the anchor, jumped of the boat, swam, canoed and played like little seals. Along with the kids and I were a few other guests, one of which was a 50 year old woman, who could not swim. With two qualified ‘life savers’ on board, we persuaded her to pop on a life jacket and just stand on the ladder of the boat so that she could at least float and submerge her body in the magnificent water. With one of us either side of her she bravely climbed down, her whole body shook and with every breath she had to channel some serious courage. So again I ask the question, what stops this woman learning to swim?

Learning to swim is one of the most empowering, liberating and wonderfully COOL things you could possibly do and could ultimately save your precious life. It is invigorating, energetic, inspiring, playful and one of the best ways to exercise and relax.

Whatever age you are, whatever level of fitness you have, swimming will open up your world, your body and your mind! Maybe it is time for you to either face your fear or begin owning the fact that life is too short to not enjoy the wonderful world of play, oceans, rivers, pools, surfing, sailing, swimming, playing with your kids, splashing around, or simply dipping your head under the water and hearing the silence and weight of one of the wonders of my world…..water.

So find out where, when and how you could learn to swim…..!

The post Splash….! appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

 Last night I spent a gorgeous evening with two of my best friends, an inspiring couple that I have known my whole time in Australia. They are heading off back to the UK with their two young children to explore life closer to their families and to see what opportunities lie in wait, on the other side of the world.

As I nestled into their embrace for a long good-bye, I found myself sobbing from a place in my heart that was as tender and raw, as painful and empty, and as sharp and deep as any fresh cut, torn open by the unexpected change in direction that grief can yank you into at any given time.

I gazed at my friends, who stood set against the back drop of where we had originally met, the street lit, magnificent, ocean – urban, Sydney equation that has kept us all here so very wonderfully long and like a re -run of my favorite film, I suddenly saw Tim and Andy passionately playing their guitars, Gemma and I doing crazy cartwheels in our knickers, under the stars of our first camping trip many years ago and four young people cozily sipping red wine, in a basement in London, talking of future plans and wild aspirations that they never then knew would soon become their lives.

Whilst my excitement for the next chapter is enormous, last night I found myself frantically struggling, like a thief pulling and pushing to snatch a bag from a woman that has taken too many self-defense lessons, to let go. To let go of the memories shared, to let go of the color filled journey that the four of us have walked, to let go of such a beautiful two, their knowing, their loving and their subtle understanding of the beauty that was.

As I look around the corner of our future and bravely stride forward, I realize that the friends that once laid a path of breadcrumbs, back to the familiar home that is safe and warm and dry, where conversations chatter about life long before loss, over freshly brewed cups of familiar tea, are becoming few and far between.

Today’s post is about honouring what it means to let go and the pause in between that you graciously allow yourself before moving on. Love is love and grief is grief and today there is a the little cold shadow that shades my heart from the sunshine of tomorrow.

The post Letting go…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Parenting. In theory, it sounds easy: here’s a clean slate in the form of a miniature human being and the goal is to raise it and at some point, get it out of your house. Most of us muddle through despite the challenges of sleep deprivation, toddlerhood, teenaged years and the never-ending clashes that inevitably ensue when someone who knows something (you) clashes against someone who thinks they know everything (your kid).

So when my gorgeous blue-eyed, redheaded son, Rowan, was born on a snowy Christmas eve via a terrifying emergency c-section, visions of diaper rash, temper tantrums, acne and demands for money and my car every Saturday flashed before my eyes.

What I didn’t envision were the multiple social impediments and sensory issues interlaced with many tests and visits to various medical and school personnel that were to mark our days for years to come. And culminated in Rowan’s pediatrician informing us that he had a lifelong developmental disability called Asperger Syndrome. Pardon?  Your son has autism, Sally.

Autism. Wait, what? No one told me that was part of the deal! So as I begin to process this wrench in my parenting strategy, I start to figure out that I get all the difficult bits of child-rearing that all the other parents get AND I get a kid who will likely struggle socially his whole life looking like Rain Man’s first cousin and who will likely live in my basement when he’s 40 eating Doritos and playing video games.

What followed was a tidal wave of denial, guilt, overwhelming sadness, and the inexplicable constant fear that those of us whose kids are ‘special’ have for our fragile offspring. But what also sprung up in me was this fierce sense of protector, educator, translator and provider.  In a strange way, despite feeling very raw and overexposed, I also felt like I had bulletproof armour on and I took a giant step forward, in front of my son, and planted myself for whatever would fall on us.

What hit me hard was not so much Rowan and his autism but how others tried to deny him his unique way of moving through the world. It was gut-wrenching and infuriating when an elementary school principal told me that “these types of children are not suited for school.” Or when a child psychiatrist insisted, on our second visit, to put my creative and unique child on medication or he’d never make it to adulthood in a meaningful way. Polite society dictated that I listen, nod and smile. But what I really wanted to do is punch the principal in the face and tell the smug prick of a doctor where to shove his Ritalin.

And then there were the bullies. When I discovered a big hooligan had been threatening to kill Rowan just to scare the new, slightly odd kid in school, I brought my bo staff into the car that morning and told Rowan that if anyone ever laid a hand on him, I’d beat the so-and-so to an unrecognizable pulp and bury him in the school yard. I’ve never professed to taking the high ground and I know there isn’t a ‘mother of the year award’ on its way, but Lucas didn’t bother him after that.

But you know the saying that you can’t see the stars without the darkness? In the filthy murk of an unkind world, I followed Rowan’s light. Because as every loving mother knows, our children will shine despite that crap that goes on around them. And we started to figure things out. Or, what I suspect happened, is that Rowan figured things out and I followed along.

I devoured books on autism, on our rights in the school system and on behaviour therapy. Autism is a developmental disability which affects people to varying degrees and in vastly different ways. I don’t even know what the statistics are for diagnosis anymore but it’s around 1 in 100 people and it’s more common in males than females. People with Asperger Syndrome struggle with 3 things: social communication, social interaction and social imagination. And they have marked sensory issues, physical traits and issues surrounding perseveration (or obsession).

To help Rowan navigate this rather uninviting society in which we sometimes live, I learned to ‘speak autism’ and translate for Rowan at school and in the community. I’ve learned to watch for signs of imminent melt-down in shopping malls, at dinner parties and during gatherings where many people are talking at once. Over the years, Rowan and I have developed a kind of language for social interaction. I’ll nod or shake my head slightly, or put my hands in my pockets so that Rowan stops twisting his fingers or holding them locked in front of his chest and now we’re working on walking confidently forward and not sideways, which he sometimes does.

One of the very best things about living with and loving a kid with autism is that as a family, we have learned to live very aware and compassionately. It took time, but we understood that if we could make Rowan comfortable and feel safe, we’d all benefit. He really became our family’s compass and allowed us to let our wants give way to our needs. My younger son, Simon, has grown into a kind young man and I’m so very proud of how he’s taken on the role of Rowan’s translator when I’m unavailable. I’ve also learned to get out of my head because his world is so sensory and immediate that I’ve had a dizzying long-term lesson in staying present!

And the music, oh the music, he’s brought into our lives. Rowan is a musical savant: I guess you could say it’s the yang to his socially lacking yin. His brain doesn’t retain little things like remembering to brush his teeth every day or lock a door but it holds vast knowledge, instinct and memory for music. He’s self-taught and proficient in bassoon and piano and has studied guitar (flamenco, classical and bass) and is currently taking bagpipe lessons. He plays mandolin, keytar, slide trombone and euphonium. He is a prolific composer and a beautiful singer.

Rowan is also a talented artist, fiction writer and a gifted public speaker. He recently starting helping at mentoring sessions at the Autism Centre where we live where he speaks to younger kids with Asperger Syndrome and tries to pass along some of the life strategies he uses. He’s ridiculously funny and is an incorrigible mimic. I can’t sit next to him at symphony concerts anymore because he gets the giggles when he hears mistakes in the music. If we make eye contact, it’s over for both of us.

Perhaps the biggest challenge for me as Rowan’s mum so far has been resisting becoming an autism worker bee. Because autism will make you its servant if you let it. There are meetings and workshops and constant barrages of new information, new treatments and on and on and on. I constantly remind myself to give reverence to my child, not his disorder. And to remind Rowan that it is more powerful in life to be enabled by something than disabled.  These kinds of challenges can suck the life out of us, or breathe new life into us. We can choose.

Not long ago, Rowan and I were discussing the future and what we thought life would be like if someone discovered a cure for autism. I asked him if he wanted to be cured. He was quiet for a minute and then he said, “No, I don’t imagine I’d trade my life and my music for one where I had no guarantees. It might be easier, but I don’t think it would be better. I’m good.” Works for me!

*There are many great resources available in your local library or on the web for further reading on autism and Asperger Syndrome. I highly recommend the comprehensive book, The Oasis Guide to Asperger Syndrome by Patricia Romanowski Bashe and Barbara L. Kirby as a starting point. www.aspergersyndrome.org is a great online source as is www.tonyattwood.com.au (Tony resides in Australia and is a long-time leading researcher, educator and advocate for people with Asperger Syndrome). One of my favourite and most fascinating reads is by mathematical autistic savant: Daniel Tammet’s Born on a Blue Day.

Sally Tubello is an autism advocate, freelance writer and a late-blooming entrepreneur/business owner. She holds a BA in English Literature and Film Studies from the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada.

A life-long theatre lover, Sally especially enjoys working in Pochinko clown and bouffon. She has also studied traditional kung fu for over 10 years, training in wing chun, qi kung and weaponry with renowned Shaolin Sifu Tim Mrazek.

Gratitude for the use of this beautiful image by Isadora Duncan featured as a thumbnail

The post Share Portfolio…The unexpected gift by Sally Tubello… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

As I waited for my ride home, and the clock ticked further away from our agreed upon time, my head began a conversation that ran far beyond reasonable. I began a silent rant about disrespect, about a lack of understanding, about a lack of care and a loathing for the time stealers disregard for my life, my situation, my children and everything I have worked so hard to create, manage and maintain. But most of all his lack of understanding for the fine tuned almost military operation of pick ups, drop offs, home work, Indi being looked after etc, etc and the incredibly challenging set of logistics, completely essential to any working parent, especially one flying solo, trying to juggle putting food on the table, finish the maths homework, make a fabulous hat for the Easter bonnet parade and some how give back to the world in some tiny little way.

When my very gentle, very kind, very open and very new to the world of parenting, friend arrived, who often proudly declares that his punctuality has improved considerably from days to just hours no less, the mood that he was met with was far from pretty. Later that evening as we discussed my ‘over the top’ reaction to his being late, out spilled from my furious little mouth, to his and my surprise, a multitude of reasons, as to why this might not work. It wasn’t until his shaky voice, whispered a confused and hurt,

‘How did we go from half an hour late, to I don’t think this is working.’ Did I then realise, what was really going on.

Sitting in my armchair, my words all dried up, I began to cry. I was here AGAIN, having been surprisingly knocked down by a grief-stricken wave and furious with myself for being so completely unaware of it. For every moment of input, patience and commitment needed to create this new relationship, I had become more and more resentfully aware of Andy’s absence.

As I stared at this very beautiful kind face, who has been nothing but patient, playful and pretty damn brave, I began to see so very obviously that my ungrateful jibes, where clearly nothing other than a confused widow’s wailing for the love that was lost. This man, who has fearlessly walked into the unknown landscape of a grieving woman and proceeded gently forward, softly padding his way towards two fatherless cubs and an arena of adoring friends and family, may indeed move with the speed of a snail, but acts so graciously with the heart of a lion, having never once uttered a word of frustration for what in truth is an incredibly complex acquisition to his previously uncomplicated life.

The truth is that I am not sure that one is ever really ready to move on but there comes a point when it is time to commit to moving forward. Whilst you may begin your journey with a heavy collection of baggage, that is packed full of heart ache, loss and a fear of letting go, soon enough, you will learn again to travel lightly, carrying nothing but an inner knowing, on a special secret ledge carved deeply within your heart, that the love that was lost will never be forgotten and holds you strong and tight in who you really are.

The post New ground… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I came across this incredibly cool, creative and beautiful man through a good friend of mine….

As a film maker, photographer, snow boarder and wild adventurer, Rene Eckert is one of the coolest guys that I haven’t yet met. Whilst I have never seen him in person, I feel very clear that I know this man or that he knows me. The way he tells stories and shares, what is in essence, the uniqueness of the human spirit, married beautifully with his capture of light, landscape and the lives of others, always leaves me feeling crazily inspired and moved yet further to open my eyes wider to the adventure of life.

The name of his company, Blickinsfreie according to Rene doesn’t have a direct translation but means something like the way he sees things, or life through his eyes. When I watch his ever evolving work I am always left feeling that he has somehow reached inside my soul and captured how I see, feel and interpret people, places and light….

Rene is another example of someone who was willing to question what in his life was purposeful, to take a risk and explore beyond the obvious and to find a way to marry his craft, passion and purpose and communicate it fearlessly to the world.

Later this year I will be spending some time with this super cool creative being and if I can hold him here for just long enough, will squeeze a little interview for you, but in the meantime, enjoy his beautiful perspective……

The post Snowboarding, story telling and a beautiful mind…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

The post Share Video 1 Vashti Whitfield – Coming up for air… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Ok after many a false start and what is likely to be an ongoing flow of things to correct, edit or redesign, I and everyone working on this re launch, have thrown their hands in the air and said in a resounding cry,

‘Get the hell on with it!’

So after several well polished video blogs being cast aside, I have frustrated everyone within an inch of my life, by now reverting to the slightly scruffy, mispronounced, but ready to bare all little video blogs……… off we go!

Here is a wee little glimpse of Maybe McQueen in action ………and a huge thank you and enormous gratitude for the chance to be able to use such a cracking piece of music to inspire all at Maybe McQueen  - Courtesy of the amazing Gwen McCrae, through arrangement with Henry Stone Music USA, Inc.

Here is the very first Share Portfolio video with yours truly…

The post At last Maybe McQueen face to face round 2!!!!… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Ok we are there, videos, tweaks, our first great MMQ Studio worksheet for you to play with, from the new Live and Learn section in the side bar, on your right. But NO we can’t go live yet as there has been yet another little set back with the music. Noooooooooooooooo!!!! I have chosen to intro all the videos and a fun little shoot in the ‘About me’ section, with a super nostalgic piece of music and one that I think will not only have you tapping your toe, but will always, always leave you feeling just a little bit more inspired by your day. I am currently, with the help of a dear friend working hard to gain permission to use the music…… !!!

So in the spirit of always looking for something positive to come out of what might seem like a very frustrating situation, I am gonna run with the idea that we can all, right here right now, gain some Live and Learn clarity and sharpen that great old life skill, of being able to shift our focus from negative to positive.

Live and Learn: A find your focus excercise

Step 1. Identify a situation, challenge, problem or recent outcome, that at first glance, seems nothing other than challenging, but keep it brief, as you don’t want to add yet more heart ache, energy or drama to fuel the problem further.

Step 2. Now look for at least two specific things that could or have come from the situation, that have actually  in some way, added to your life. Be sure that you take the time to explore this and not just stay painfully stuck in the land of ‘I CAN’T', cause you CAN.

Step 3. Take your two positive outcomes and look at how and what you could do, to add, build and further utilise your unexpected turn – around.  This will support the re direction of your focus and energy and ultimately help create the opportunity to step further away from future problems.

Please share the love by completing this Live and Learn exercise for yourself and then post your 3 Steps below.

The post From a different angle… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

As I walked down the grassy incline towards the horse track, where I most love to run, with the intention that one of those large magnificent animals would trot past me, inspiring that ever connecting feeling that one gets when one is close to something so much bigger than ones self, instantaneously draining away all the unnecessary thoughts and concerns that have been surging around your body all day, I saw something so thought provoking, that I have to share it with you.

Whilst I neared the bottom of the hill, I saw a young guy in a wheel chair, his bare arms newly vascular, his teeth gritted and sweat pouring down his brow. His eyes where fixed upwards, towards the top of the steep climb and whilst I neared that flat of the hill, he began the most determined climb I have ever see.

Every part of me in that moment switched on, my mind flooding with memories of Andy and watching him loose the ability to walk, run, move, live…. and yet in front of me there was a young guy so absolutely determined, in my mind, to conquer any sense of being stopped by the life he was living, that any feelings of loss or sadness that I was experiencing, powerfully exploded into an utter admiration for all that life has to offer, right here, right now.

When Andy was first diagnosed we where given all the usual worst case scenarios but ironically I never once feared loosing him, as it was something we had never considered, however much they implied the very real possibility of it happening. But what I did fear, was Andy loosing the ability to walk and then being wheel chair bound. I somehow thought he could face anything, but not that….

Yet here I was standing in the most incredible light, watching a young man live, breathe, inspire and embrace life, adapting his very powerful sense of self with his one magnificent body and all that it was capable of.

At home I have this very beautiful lamp, that when switched on has you feel like a moth, uncontrollably drawn to its warm light and inexplicably unable to focus on anything else. Over the last  month I have been so preoccupied with ‘stuff’ that I have neglected to switch on this incredibly beautiful object that I have in my life.

As I watched this amazing young man so extraordinarily switch on everything available to him and in him, I was once again reminded to not only be grateful for the magnificent life that I have, but to take yet more responsibility for switching on the numerous metaphoric lamps that I have in my life, that I neglectfully allow to sit alone in the dark.

As we live and learn from each other, take a moments pause to think about the things, people, adventures, music, love, running, singing, writing, health, happiness……aspects of your life, that need switching back on ……..

The post Here today gone tomorrow… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Jess Ainscough is a writer, speaker, health coach and cancer kickin’ Wellness Warrior.

When Jess was 22, she was diagnosed with incurable cancer, and was told that her only chance of prolonging her life would be to amputate her left arm. In the midst of all the angst and pain, Jess heard something within her telling her that there was a better way. She instinctively knew that this wasn’t going to be her fate. After researching anything and everything to do with healing cancer, Jess discovered that our bodies have the amazing ability to self heal – as long as we provide the right environment to do so.Jess left her job at Dolly magazine, moved back to her hometown of the Sunshine Coast, and has dedicated her life to healing her body and carving out a new reality for herself based on the wisdom and empowerment she’s gathered along the way.

Here’s what this courageous, dynamic and unstoppable powerhouse has to share with the MMQ community, in how to live your one life to the absolute fullest!

Q. What 3 words would you use to describe yourself and why?

1. Kind- Because… My main aim every single day is to act with kindness and compassion towards myself and all of the beings on this planet – especially our animal friends.

2. Fun - Because… I don’t do anything unless it promises an element of fun and joy.

3. Brave - Because… I trust my intuition and do things even though they scare the bejesus out of me

Q. What has been the most challenging thing you have had to overcome in your life so far?

A terminal cancer diagnosis when I was 22.

Q. What did this challenge actually gift you, in hindsight?

Gosh, it’s gifted me so much. Cancer is my guru, my teacher, and the thing that motivates me to live my best life possible. Cancer has gifted me so much power, acceptance, patience, wisdom and a connection to myself that I would not have had otherwise.

Q. What did you have to overcome to move through your greatest challenge?

The fear that comes with putting all of my faith into the road less travelled. I walked away from conventional medicine and the debilitating limited options they were offering me, and into a system that provided me hope. But at the same time, the healing methods I chose are still considered “crazy” by much of the world and to be successful I’ve really had to stand firm in my belief in my body’s ability to heal.

Q. If you where sharing the wisdom of your personal experience, what 3 things would you share?

1/ Be radically, authentically 100% kind and compassionate towards yourself. Accept and love yourself exactly the way you are.

2/ Eat real, whole, organic foods.

3/ Do what makes you happy. Make boundless joy a daily priority.

Q. What are 3 things you would most like to do, create, accomplish over the next 5 years and why?

1/ Have my book become a best seller - Because… I want my message to reach as many people as possible.

2/ Grow my global online family via my website - Because… I want my message to reach as many people as possible.

3/ Create some kind of TV series/reality show/documentary - Because… I want my message to reach as many people as possible.

Q. What are the 3 guiding principles that you live by?

1/ Be radically kind to yourself

2/ Be brave enough to follow your intuition

3/ Be well

Q. What are the 3 things most inspiring things in your life?

1/ My parents

Because… Their strength and kindness is the metric by which I choose to live my life.

2/ My boyfriend

Because… He is the most patient, fun, kind and accepting person I know.

3/ Nature

Because… Of it’s incomparable power and beauty.

Q. What would you most like to be remembered for in years to come?

Telling my story to the world and having it heal and inspire whoever it needs to.

Q. What would be the one thing that you would share with the Maybe McQueen community to inspire getting out there and living life the fullest?

I’m going to leave you with one of my favourite quotes. This is on my vision board and it propels me forward every single day:

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you, to leave this world better than when you found it.” – Wilfred Peterson

As the creator of the popular website, The Wellness Warrior, Jess writes daily articles on courage, kindness, self-respect — as well as practical how-to’s for shopping, cooking, juicing and nourishing your body. She is also the creator of the revolutionary guide to mind-body reinvention, The Wellness Warrior Lifestyle Transformation Guide.

This year, Jess will have her first book published with Hay House called Make Peace With Your Plate: How To End Your Tortured Relationship With Food.  Visit The Wellness Warrior at www.thewellnesswarrior.com.au

The post Interview with the Wellness Warrior… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

There are many of us that are passionate about a cause, passionate about where change needs to happen, passionate about finding a way to make a difference. But there are only a few courageous enough to get off their bums and actually do something. This is one cool little piece on how to grow one seed into a magnificent garden…… remember to share the love and post a comment on how this may have inspired you, or better still, what you are going DO, because of it.

The post A guerilla gardener in South Central LA… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Whilst it is a slightly lengthy interview, this is just the most awesome story of how a pianist found her way to Wall St…. Anything and I mean anything  is possible, with the right amount of clarity, focus and passionate determination!!

The post Anything is possible…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

One of the coolest things I know is to try something new with out being attached to the outcome and by that I mean letting go of any attachment to how it should turn out.  Here is an fantastic little piece about one cool guy, his amazing creativity and his extraordinary ability to replace attachment with curiosity.

The post The art of the imperfection.. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

The post Perspective from a different height… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I have just watched a beautiful short film made by a friend of mine, he is an extraordinary film-maker, a beautiful soul and has ability through his story telling, to share the human spirit in a way that I am unable to describe in words. As I type out this little post, the picture above of Andy, which sits on my desk, is staring straight at me and I can hear very clearly, an incredibly loving but equally stern voice speaking the words

‘Come on babe, get out of your own way and get on with our life.’ A line we often used to annoying quote each other when suitably stuck focusing at the wrong end of life’s spectrum.

And here I am currently sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable place, where somehow the real challenges and more significant issues that are in my life, have suddenly become pale in comparison to the overwhelming fear I am going through with regard to the relaunch, set for the middle of next week. Not only have I just watched a film that has set an extraordinarily high but very inspiring bench mark for how I would visually and emotionally like to communicate future MMQ stories and is therefore having me view my own recent videos as nothing short of —***!!! But I have also spent so much time focusing on the detail and the thinking, talking and filming and re filming of what is soon to be coming, that I have temporarily removed myself from what and why I am doing all of this and feel very much like I could grab my surf board and head off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

But I know that the worst thing I can do is let my own ego or fear of failure take control of the wheel, because if I am honest and take the time to re connect with my intention, how ever shaky it seems, I know that this is my legacy and the time to step up, lean in and create a life, vocation and purpose that not only honors Andy, my children and myself, but also you. You who have patiently, passionately and whole heartedly inspired me, through your stories, your encouragement and your honesty, to grab life by the balls and get back up, even when I’ve felt like falling down.

So whilst I make no apologies and again stretch my comfort zone like a catapult about to snap and believe me when I say that was the best of a whole bunch or really inappropriate metaphors that I could have used, I ask you to please bear with me as I tread this new ground and try to weave all that Maybe McQueen was in its venerable, beautiful and authentic self, into something that is now able to offer a more creative, juicy, empowering, thought provoking, heart warming and structured approach in inspiring us all to live, love and learn like there is no tomorrow.

The post Get out of the way…! appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I had always intended to learn to surf, to ride a motorbike, to play the piano, to actually run a successful business doing something that I loved, but it wasn’t until I watched the last beautiful breathe of my husband slowly exhale and see that he was gone forever, that I realised that if I didn’t do it now, it would never happen.

If I am feeling stopped in anyway about how to move my life forward, the first thing I always do is look further a field, away from the detail and insignificance that is blocking my view. Here is just one awesome little story that inspired me to get off my arse and learn to surf, which in turn has opened up a whole new world and unexpected relationship with something that is SO much bigger than me, incredibly humbling and mind bogglingly beautiful in so many ways.

Should, would, could, can……. ???

The post Should, would, could…? appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Today I entered a whole new paradigm, one that could feel like deja vu, but instead of just a flash of familiarity, it has engulfed every corner of my world.

As I exhale  rather too long a breathe, that leaves me a tad dizzy with such a big exhalation, I realise that I need to ‘walk the talk’ and stop for a second to get clear on what, where and how I can reach the top of the mountain, instead of going nowhere fast with a sense of uphill exhaustion, which is in fact causing me to circle yet further.

In the centre of it all I realise I am overwhelmed emotionally by having beautiful Andy’s mummy here. Her support, love and presence is beyond words but it somehow, in a way that  I can’t begin to imagine for her, for myself and Jesse, is creating a constant air of fragility and moment to moment awareness of feeling raw.  I am however completely committed to the experience and I believe whole heartedly that all is we have is now, so seizing the moment however much it can hurt, is a hundred percent where she and I are very much at.

I and we are also circling what is very new ground in the area of a relationship and whilst I don’t want to share to much of this chapter right now as it is so layered that it deserves several posts of its own, I, we, he and she and all involved are going through a daily process in how to best manage the situation to facilitate everyone feeling loved and respected. She in her exceptional commitment to honour her sons philosophy of taking life by the balls, is supportive, courageous and as gracious as ever in her handling of the situation and is very much grateful of the opportunity to be a part of it all in these very early stages.

The expression ‘When it rain it pours’ is definitely very apt for this time and the person I keep turning to call, to share with, to bounce off, to lean into, is no longer here. Try and imagine the sheer bizarreness of wanting to call your best friend and husband to tell them about your new relationship……. its mind boggling and so emotionally loaded that I cannot even begin to explain.

On the work front, which until recently has felt nothing but inspiring, along with the beginning of a new Coaching intake, has much  writing, designing and projects to wrap up to have ready to add to the Maybe McQueen site for the now later launch date of March. The daily feeling of ‘raw’ has also invited back to the table a very familiar inner dialogue that has me questioning myself, my ability and the almost daily,’What an utter load of crap!’ conversation.

So here is what I have come to on this Monday morning and that I want to share. It is IMPOSSIBLE to predict or control who and what will step in and out of your life, contributing, creating and adding to the texture and color of your palette, but how fearlessly and creatively YOU choose to be, as you passionately paint your life’s canvas is very up to you and of course, to me.

As I pack up my laptop and head off to the office, my mantra for the week is this…  fearlessly living, loving and learning as much as possible …….and how I will DO that is by breaking it all down into what is really important right now, what is most important today and what is truly  important long term to live a life that honours the littles, Andy and myself!

Have an amazing week people… open your eyes, heart and ears to all that is on offer.

Much love

The post Feeling your way forward… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Its Monday morning here and I have Andy’s gorgeous mum visiting us. I am in the office at 7.30am and I have a smile from ear to ear, as this is an incredible milestone and dream that I have longed for since beginning my journey as a mummy,  as a wife and also, as an unexpected carer, through a very unexpected chapter. But now I can finally see and feel the integration of honoring my children and myself in all that we need to feel whole, to feel loved and to have our very different needs and wants taken care of. It is like a slice of heaven to me to be sitting with my coffee, in the silence of my mind, with each finger tip poised, ready to create and bring to life all that loosing my beautiful Andy has inspired. I can honestly say to you that there isn’t a second that I don’t feel his presence and let me tell you, my determined man cracks the whip! SO ahead for me, lays a juicy week of  challenging and exciting deadlines to support  getting ready for the re- launch of Maybe McQueen and a few other super creative projects that are bubbling away in the background…….

This morning I am filled with the awe of life, filled with the love of all the things that send tingles through my body and make me feel alive, like skateboarding, surfing, taking photographs, watching my kids jump in and out of the ocean, a hundred times and over. Like seeing everything as an image that I desperately want to share, or holding words in my head that might make an incredible story later on. Even the confused pain of joy and sadness as I chat with our beautiful friend, an actor in the movie business, as he cracks open Hollywood at the start of his career, reminding me of what life for my beautiful Andy might be like if he were here now, even those bizarre feelings of confliction are now some how inspiring in what they demand emotionally and intellectually and then finally produce creatively.

Last night I lay on the sofa with Andy’s mum catching up on where we were both at, discussing and exploring how life had moved on for each of us. As I gazed at this beautiful woman who is no longer my mother in law but one of the dearest and most inspiring women in my life, I felt so very privileged and thankful that through such shared loss this incredible friendship had grown into something that I would have have never seen existing in our previous relationship.  What I had in fact most feared was that we would both remind each other so much of what was lost that it would be impossible to have anything other that a forced and obligatory connection, but that could not be further from the truth. ….Sitting cosily in the warmth of the lamp light, listening to the pouring rain, here we were, two woman brought extraordinarily close together, through the painful, beautiful and sometimes unimaginable journey that it was to accompany Andy in and out of life……and all I could think of was the magnificent little quote that reads,

Sometimes just looking up and seeing the light is enough. ~Terri Guillemets

Have a fantastic week dear MMQ community …… see you very soon!!!

The post An ocean of possibility…. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

What is REAL?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day… “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When someone loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Margery Williams - The Velveteen Rabbit

The post …Love is appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

I lay on the floor yesterday evening flicking through some of my favorite books, many of which began with Andy’s flowing and very tower of Pisa like, leaning handwriting, sharing some gorgeous little message written as always in his old beaten up university fountain pen. As I opened up the cover of The Little Prince out fell a delicate little hand made card, designed by our dear, dear friend, celebrating our ten-year anniversary.

As I dived into her words and swam through the warm current of love I felt strangely able to disconnect from my part in it all and just quietly and wonderfully observe what a unique relationship this must have been and much like watching two young lovers, embrace and kiss, ever so tenderly, I smiled to myself with the familiarity and charm of it all.

But the truth is that however much one feels like they have moved onto magnificent moments where there is the freedom to observe without being completely broken by the pain of loss, the instantaneous hurt in fact becomes a delayed reaction, that then reappears unsuspectingly, days later, like a large purple bruise, that has you wracking your brains as to where it came from, but hurts like hell, wherever you or anyone else tries to apply any emotional pressure.

Sixteen months ago I stood in a beautiful church looking down on an ocean of tear drops that twinkled back at me like rain drops on a spider’s web. As I shared my story of love, our tales of the unexpected and my wonderful adventure with the man that was my beautiful husband. I also spoke of my belief that in the great depth and breadth of what life has to offer, if we are truly open to it and willing to move beyond the walls of grief and the constrictions of our fears, that the chapters that then follow not only become pages of possibility but the making of the most incredible story.

When I spoke those words at Andy’s memorial, I knew they where possible, but felt very far away from the land that they promised. Having finally almost reached all that they have to offer, I have learned this ……that moving forward is not only about learning not to fear another fall, but passionately leaping with your eyes wide open. It is about being open enough, that the love lost can change into an inner knowing, that life has so much more to offer if you are willing to step up to the table and lastly, that whilst no two loves are the same, someone or something truly worthy of your attention will help heal, honour and nurture all that was, all that is and all that can be in the life that you have been given.

The post Love birds….. appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

My Monday message is harsh but said with LOVE

……. Would you just get on with it, stop focusing on what isn’t, clarify what it COULD be and start TODAY! Would love to hear what this means for you, so share yourself around and declare your actions below.

See you very soon…Video blogs literally a few weeks away!

The post No time like the present!… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

This is my first post in a long while and the first of 2013 and I want to begin by sharing with you just how much I have missed being here …

As we speak I am laying listening to a roaring ocean, with a mind-boggling sunrise, exploding on the horizon. It does indeed sound idyllic and does in fact look like a tiny little slice of paradise, but here I am again on day 4, of waking at 4.30 am, twitching with a desire to be writing, filming, shooting, tweeting, something, anything that honours the overflow of creativity, energy and renewed ‘Joie de vivre’ that I have bellowing out of me, like an overpowering perfume.

I have come away from Sydney for a week, as we are in the midst of the kids summer vacation and a time that supposedly here in Australia, life slows down, but it has taken me days to stop picking up an iphone, ipad or mac etc and many a ‘stand on your head’ yoga moment to get present to what and who is most important around me, as the recent months have re-birthed the little butterfly in me who has been pushing so hard, for what feels like such a very long time, that she is now desperate to flap her tiny little wings over many a magnificent garden.

However it has been made more than clear to me from a multitude of different scenarios and situations that being present and trusting that all will work out just the way it is supposed to, is ALL that I need to focus on right now and that this New Year, is just as each new day, an opportunity to live, love and learn in a way that honours all that we are capable of being in the short time that we have here.

On one of my incredible daily runs, through the bush, over the sand, very speedily along a nudist beach, which only seems to attract rather older gentlemen, who enjoy sharing their very naked selves with the sunshine. Beside the ocean, under the clouds and beneath the giant conquering sky, that not only makes me want to stand taller but also reach for all that is possible within me, I found my magic moment of the trip and the ‘aha’ that I had neglected to acknowledge, caught up in the hustle and bustle of my busy little life.

…..I ran down a sleepy street, energetically saying hello to a local unloading his surf board, who then warmly smiled back at me and said,

‘Are you at the beginning or the end?’ Which now thinking about it was probably far less profound and far more likely inspired by my sweaty and rosy complexion! But anyway, I thought for a second and then replied,

‘Somewhere in the middle…’ and off I ran.

I thought not only about my answer but also about his question and what it meant in a broader sense. I thought about the previous day, where I found myself sprinting past a beach that I had visited once before, just over 5 years ago, when beautiful Andy had surprised me with a week away for the three of us, prior to little Indigos arrival.

I looked down at the beach and thought back to a tiny little Jesse red, running in and out of the waves, squealing with delight, as Andy’s big strong hands lifted him safely out of the water. As I stopped to re live this special little memory, the familiar pain in my chest and lump in my throat that would have usually stopped me in my tracks, were strangely absent and there is was, for the first time ever since loosing Andy, I experienced the opportunity to feel the sheer beauty of the moment without the harshness of reality biting into my side , like a Great White. I had finally reached a point in my journey through grief, where my feet had touched the shores and I could stand up by myself and look at the ocean in wonder, instead of drowning in the sheer immensity of it all.

……and there was my magic moment, the actual realisation of where I was in my life, my whole life,  not at the beginning, nor at the end, but somewhere wonderfully in the middle, with almost a whole life time of possibility ahead.

Back in Sydney, metaphorically speaking, there are lots of things cooking in the kitchen, that will be served up at February’s table, that will add a whole new flavour to Maybe McQueen and far across the ocean in the US, there are an incredible team of people working tirelessly in a combined effort to complete the Be Here Now documentary that will, when the time is right not only share a story to honour the legacy of an exceptionally beautiful soul but will also be an incredible resource for those wanting to explore the opportunity of a fearless existence.

So as you role out your new year be sure to stop and look for all the magic moments and all insightful ‘Aha’s’ that can easily be missed by sprinting so fast forward that you neglect to see the little beach on your right…

The post Somewhere in the middle… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Self Portrait – Andy Whitfield 2010:

I have been looking at this shot a great deal recently. It is of Andy in India having treatment while he journeyed as an ‘open’ soul, looking for what, why and how he might navigate his way through…..

It inspires and reminds me to be courageous, passionate, flexible and open to all that this crazy old life has to offer, interrupting my ‘one foot in another continent’ and ‘yea, life is great BUT…’  kind of inner monologue that has me constantly imagining the words that will make up the world of my next chapter and often missing the magnificence of what is directly under my nose.

This morning as I tried to leave the park in my car, all the usual exits where blocked and I was forced to drive the full parameter. Just as I could hear myself beginning to grumble, that sense of ‘being’ just where I was supposed to ‘be’ fell over me. As I continued my drive, suddenly observing the swaying weeping willow trees, the horses trotting in the dust and the weight of the sodden leaves, as the rain drops slid onto my windscreen, my body completely relaxed and I felt nothing other than completely grateful for all that my life has to offer and in that very moment the sadness that was sitting like a cricket ball wedged in my throat, after just having ran my fingers, over the cold metal plaque that honours beautiful Andy’s absence, turned from tight-chested breathing, into deep-bellied, calm and melodic breathes, that fuelled my very much needed daily reminder, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, right here, right now.

So with that sense of gratitude in the air, the little exercise that  I invite you to try today, tonight or tomorrow, is to list what you are most grateful for in your life. Remember to share the love, think big, small and tiny, cause every little thing can make all the difference and post away…..!

I am grateful for ………..

The post The right place at the right time… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Today I had the pleasure of working with an amazing man, an incredibly talented artist and designer. I have known him for over a decade and have been coaching him for nearly 2 months, out of the 6 we have agreed upon. He approached me to work with him directly after his 40^th birthday, after the mother of all parties and an emotional crash that hit so hard, that the collision with his own sense of failure, felt not only irreparable but temporarily paralyzed his ability to drag himself out of his own personal cloud of despair.

Over the years he has built up an extraordinary ability to prevent himself moving forward by focusing very successfully and with such determination on all his ‘failings’. His failings of all the things he had placed so much expectation on having, reaching and attaining by, ‘that certain time’ which if we are really honest with ourselves, we all have mentally marked out at some stage on our own personal life calendar of what ‘should’ happen somewhere and some point, past, present and future.

‘I should have been there by now….I should be in a long term relationship by now, my business should have been successful, I should have been discovered by now….I should be a dad by now…21, 30, 40, 50 years old….etc etc etc’

Every time we began trying to define what he most wanted he would immediately get side tracked by the disappointment of not yet being there. But what he hadn’t realized was that this was also his default ‘excuse’ strategy for NOT taking any actions towards what he really wanted in his life. So around and around we went until finally we stopped and put all our energy into exploring and reflecting what he had achieved, what in fact had got in the way for him in achieving his long list of ‘should haves’ and most importantly what existing structures were ever present in his life, that would continue his holding pattern, of going round and round in circles. By doing these three exercises he was able to acknowledge himself, own his part in sabotaging his life and give him the awareness and choice to see where and how HE and no one else was responsible for the continuum of things not eventuating the way he expected them to.

So here is what the real problem was and indeed is for so many of us. Our focus is all directed towards our FEAR and then the fear in its magnitude, not only directs but hijacks our daily thoughts, feelings and actions and lastly and most destructive of all without a view on the horizon that compels us to see beyond the ‘what if’ our fear then of course becomes our reality!

We are ALL fearful about the ‘what if’s’ but if you are willing to take and make the time to define what it is you most want and then invest a little energy into bringing it to life so that you can see it just enough to believe it. Then and only then will the actions that you need to take become tangible and achievable enough for you to respectfully acknowledge your fear and then powerfully step beyond it, embracing all of your potential and stepping right up to the table ready to ask for MORE!

Just like the new movie Rise of The Guardians, a great kids movie, which is all about the rise of the Boogeyman, the bringer of nightmares, as he orchestrates the fall of all the wonderful things that children believe in like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy etc. As the kids begin fearing their nightmares, so then feeding the demise of their belief in all that brings joy and happiness, so sees the victory of fear as their new paradigm. We all need to believe in something that is meaningful, inspiring and purposeful to us, to enable a focus that is bigger than our fear.

The breakthrough with my client was about highlighting what he wanted and NOT what he feared and then turning it into an attainable, measurable and inspiring set of goals, with just enough creative, descriptive and visual manifestation that on the days his fear felt stronger than his passion, he was able to remind himself of what he REALLY believed in.

As the kids say in the movie:

We all believe in the Boogeyman, we are just no longer afraid of him.

Share the love and post what you have used to manifest and create great things in this year so far! What have been your methods, tools, inspirations, mantra’s, structures that have facilitated your moving through and beyond the fearful part of yourself.

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Today is my 14th year in this wonderful country that is Australia. Its sky’s, oceans and sandy shores have facilitated the most crazy journey of self discovery, an unforgettable love affair, a tiny little wedding in a book store, beside the beach, between two young lovers 11 years ago today and the births and death of 3 incredible lives, that will shape who I am forever…

I crept into bed last night with a little tear rolling down my cheek, knowing that I would wake on December the 1st, my favorite day of the year, without the other half of me, the man who made this adventure complete. But as I woke today I realised as always, after my wave of sadness had landed on the shore, that it is only just the beginning and that to honour beautiful Andy and ALL those whose time here just wasn’t long enough, there is so much to be lived, loved and lost all over again, if we are to REALLY ride this magnificent madness, that is the roller coaster of life!

To my beautiful man and the shores of sunny Sydney, a place and space that will always, always be the love of my life…

The post A love filled with life and a life filled with ….love appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

There are so many fantastic things I could write about today, like the birth of a gorgeous little girl, nearly born in an Ikea car park, due to the hilarious mindset of denial that my dear friend, her mummy, maintained through out the whole pregnancy. I could also tell you about the fun I had filming new material for MMQ, paralleled with the enormous absence of the gorgeous man that should have been giggling at his silly wife from behind the camera.

I could also write about the seesaw of emotions I have been experiencing on a daily basis, as a lunatic Gemini and as a single mummy, where I wish myself a million miles away, on a busy street in New York, being knocked by random strangers that are in a hurry to get somewhere else fast, where I am alone and calm in nothing but the buzz of organized chaos.

I could also whinge on about the giant burn on my leg gained by my own negligence in wearing running pants on a motorbike, with a mighty hot exhaust pipe, which now has me wincing every time I move after having been still just long enough for a dry layer of skin to form, which then cracks open as I shift positions, which is then strangely followed by a smile of a sting that reminds that I am so grateful to be ALIVE…

So after beginning countless posts, here is what I really want to write about today… however you are feeling or where ever you are at, anything and I mean anything is possible, depending with what and who you surround yourself with and the structures you create to make your life work….. crazy, bonkers and extraordinary things are there for the making and taking.

In 3 days it will be December the 1st which will be my 11th Wedding anniversary, the start of my 14th year in Australia, the 1st official day of our summer and the final month of what feels like the most peculiar year of my life so far and for those 4 reasons all I want to do is look forward to what is possible as an incredible New Year cheekily winks at us.

Now is the perfect time for some action and a little reflection before we all begin knee jerking into the New Year, spitting out the same out patterns and ending up right back where we started, or worse still having achieved everything we set out to and still feeling disappointed. It is time to get some clarity on what will be in our bag of tricks for 2013 and what we will gamefully leave behind as we astonish ourselves with what we are capable of.

So who is game? For the month of December I will be posting ‘ Reflect, Refine and Ready, Steady Go!!!’ exercises, to support us all crafting New Years resolutions with some bark and bite.

1. Look back over your calendar of 2012 and remind yourself of what took place when and where. Remind your self of all that you have achieved emotionally, professionally, physically and spiritually.

2. List what you acknowledge about your achievements and why, because if you can’t and won’t acknowledge your own growth, then how can you harvest it further?

3. List the areas/issues/parts of you life that did not grow, bloom or blossom and then acknowledge clearly and honestly what it was that got in the way for you, what stopped you and how you may have stopped yourself?

As always, please share the love and be sure to be mindful of the content you post…… Reflection time…

Vashti …

The post Take what you need and nothing else… appeared first on MaybeMcQueen.

Women talk, always have and always will. They talk about life, love, challenge, girly things, their female bits, their boyfriends, their aspirations and everything in between. As a woman who not only talks a great deal, but who has chosen to share some of her most intimate, personal and life changing experiences for everyone to read, I feel it is high time to discuss, invite and inspire a bit of healthy banter between the boys….

I have been doing some of my own research amongst many of the men I know, from the local barista, successful actors, retired professional athletes and a whole range more, and whilst they are all of different ages and levels of fitness, every one of them agreed that they would only ever discuss their health in terms of sports or any related injuries.

They also agreed that if they where worried about something, they would only ever discuss it with a health professional, most of them also confessing that unless there was something really ‘wrong’ they wouldn’t even discuss it with their spouses, girlfriends or wives.

As the newly appointed Hollywood hotshot, sporting not only a six pack worthy of a Men’s Health cover, but a face that would have anyone cross the road just to take a closer look, my husband Andy Whitfield was the last person that you would ever expect to have world war three going on within his body.

It took months of physio appointments, chiropractors and finally one personal trainer to suggest that Andy should explore the cause of the pain, instead of just trying to fix it. After six months of pain and one man who was willing to entertain the idea that health meant more than how you looked like on the outside, he finally got an x ray and complete check- up. Then, to our horror, he was diagnosed with stage four cancer.

However strong, kind, handsome or successful he may have been, and despite fathering two beautiful little children and having a life that looked like a fairytale come true, at aged just 39, the father of two gorgeous kids and a totally adored son, brother and friend, my awesome partner in crime, passed away.

So what I am really interested in is how to prevent this happening to you, yes you….! I am not necessarily asking you to spend the evening detailing the trip to the doctors, having your walnuts checked out or even asking you to go have your prostate explored by a rubber glove, but goodness knows, if we as girls can endure the ‘find a happy place’ state of mind for our yearly smear tests in our commitment to live long and prosper, you can surely do something that supports awareness around men’s health. Even if it just means owning up that you haven’t been feeling 100 per cent lately. News flash – we’d rather hold your hand while you get your walnuts squeezed than be rubbing gel into your hemorrhoids because the Chemo is making your bum swell!

It’s up to you to start showing a little more respect to the guys that take responsibility for staying well, instead of just honoring the guys for whom it is just too late. Think about it, talk about it and make it ok to choose life!

If you would like further information or support please visit the Cancer Council, in true Aussie, ‘say it how it is’ style: www.shitmatesdontsay.com

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