Not my child!

 

It is party time again and there is a problem.

There is only a set number, if you are to stay within a reasonable budget and be able to go to the hideously, overly stimulating, melt down making, 90-minute madhouse, that is the world of Laser Tag, for your son’s birthday. But, of course, your very kind, non judgmental little man, wants to invite, the incredibly annoying kid from school. This not only sends shivers down your spine, but very frustratingly, pushes the numbers just over the edge.

There is also the fact, that, as every parent does, you have your favourites. The kids that you would much prefer, to be in the company, of your treasured little off spring, on his one special day of the year, so what do you do?

Well you can, of course, lie and tell your child that they weren’t able to come, but then run the risk of a seriously ‘busted’ moment in the playground. You could also rally for the guitar playing, super -sensitive, organic- eating, book -present -buying, emotionally evolved kid in the class, to then, only have your son made to feel intimidated, as his socially evolved 8 year old buddy, begins a conversation on the futility of guns and how Laser Tag, is just as ridiculous, according to his highly academic father….

So, to make it easy, you give in, pay the extra and just invite them all.

However, as your intuition boldly told you, the annoying kid proves himself a bad investment from the second he arrives. Firstly at the top of his voice, he lists all the kids that weren’t invited to the party, just perfectly loud enough to ensure that they will all be made aware of that fact, in the playground on Monday. Then later, just as the refreshments are laid out, he booms at the top of his voice, granted, probably what all the other kids are thinking, but are just far to polite to let rip.

‘Yuk, WHY did you get sandwiches and fruit, how BORING!!!  We could have had hotdogs and fries and coke, instead!!!!!!’

As you turn away humiliated, by your perhaps, overly conscientious food choice, you are magically some how supported by the fact, that your gorgeous son is staring right at you, as if apologizing for his, years down the track, embarrassingly, drunk friend, that has just puked all over your favourite white sofa.

So you quietly grit your teeth, in a wonderfully fake smile and suck in your desire to throw a small salad sandwich, at the forehead of this precocious little brat, followed up by then emptying an icy jug of freezing water, over his socially inept, annoying little head. You then begin scanning desperately, trying to catch the attention of the ‘annoying kids’ parents, to somehow back you up, or at least manage their vile responsibility. But, unfortunately, they have of course conveniently began, an in depth conversation, with another dad, that would seem for no other reason, that to avoid dealing with the fruit of their loins, hideous display of precociousness.

It is in that moment, that you master your lack of self control and tell yourself, that whilst he has not been diagnosed with anything specific, other than being an obnoxious, little git face, that he CLEARLY, must be an extremely gifted and clever child and it is only because of his SUPER intelligent mind, that he is completely and totally lacking in any sort of social skills, what SO ever.

So finally, you just take a giant deep breath, admit defeat ,thank him for his lovely gift, pat him gently on the head and swear a solemn oath to yourself that you will avoid at all costs, any chance a future play date, between he and your perfect child!