Its Monday morning here and I have Andy’s gorgeous mum visiting us. I am in the office at 7.30am and I have a smile from ear to ear, as this is an incredible milestone and dream that I have longed for since beginning my journey as a mummy, as a wife and also, as an unexpected carer, through a very unexpected chapter. But now I can finally see and feel the integration of honoring my children and myself in all that we need to feel whole, to feel loved and to have our very different needs and wants taken care of. It is like a slice of heaven to me to be sitting with my coffee, in the silence of my mind, with each finger tip poised, ready to create and bring to life all that loosing my beautiful Andy has inspired. I can honestly say to you that there isn’t a second that I don’t feel his presence and let me tell you, my determined man cracks the whip! SO ahead for me, lays a juicy week of challenging and exciting deadlines to support getting ready for the re- launch of Maybe McQueen and a few other super creative projects that are bubbling away in the background…….
This morning I am filled with the awe of life, filled with the love of all the things that send tingles through my body and make me feel alive, like skateboarding, surfing, taking photographs, watching my kids jump in and out of the ocean, a hundred times and over. Like seeing everything as an image that I desperately want to share, or holding words in my head that might make an incredible story later on. Even the confused pain of joy and sadness as I chat with our beautiful friend, an actor in the movie business, as he cracks open Hollywood at the start of his career, reminding me of what life for my beautiful Andy might be like if he were here now, even those bizarre feelings of confliction are now some how inspiring in what they demand emotionally and intellectually and then finally produce creatively.
Last night I lay on the sofa with Andy’s mum catching up on where we were both at, discussing and exploring how life had moved on for each of us. As I gazed at this beautiful woman who is no longer my mother in law but one of the dearest and most inspiring women in my life, I felt so very privileged and thankful that through such shared loss this incredible friendship had grown into something that I would have have never seen existing in our previous relationship. What I had in fact most feared was that we would both remind each other so much of what was lost that it would be impossible to have anything other that a forced and obligatory connection, but that could not be further from the truth. ….Sitting cosily in the warmth of the lamp light, listening to the pouring rain, here we were, two woman brought extraordinarily close together, through the painful, beautiful and sometimes unimaginable journey that it was to accompany Andy in and out of life……and all I could think of was the magnificent little quote that reads,
Sometimes just looking up and seeing the light is enough. ~Terri Guillemets
Have a fantastic week dear MMQ community …… see you very soon!!!