Somewhere in the middle…

This is my first post in a long while and the first of 2013 and I want to begin by sharing with you just how much I have missed being here …

As we speak I am laying listening to a roaring ocean, with a mind-boggling sunrise, exploding on the horizon. It does indeed sound idyllic and does in fact look like a tiny little slice of paradise, but here I am again on day 4, of waking at 4.30 am, twitching with a desire to be writing, filming, shooting, tweeting, something, anything that honours the overflow of creativity, energy and renewed ‘Joie de vivre’ that I have bellowing out of me, like an overpowering perfume.

I have come away from Sydney for a week, as we are in the midst of the kids summer vacation and a time that supposedly here in Australia, life slows down, but it has taken me days to stop picking up an iphone, ipad or mac etc and many a ‘stand on your head’ yoga moment to get present to what and who is most important around me, as the recent months have re-birthed the little butterfly in me who has been pushing so hard, for what feels like such a very long time, that she is now desperate to flap her tiny little wings over many a magnificent garden.

However it has been made more than clear to me from a multitude of different scenarios and situations that being present and trusting that all will work out just the way it is supposed to, is ALL that I need to focus on right now and that this New Year, is just as each new day, an opportunity to live, love and learn in a way that honours all that we are capable of being in the short time that we have here.

On one of my incredible daily runs, through the bush, over the sand, very speedily along a nudist beach, which only seems to attract rather older gentlemen, who enjoy sharing their very naked selves with the sunshine. Beside the ocean, under the clouds and beneath the giant conquering sky, that not only makes me want to stand taller but also reach for all that is possible within me, I found my magic moment of the trip and the ‘aha’ that I had neglected to acknowledge, caught up in the hustle and bustle of my busy little life.

…..I ran down a sleepy street, energetically saying hello to a local unloading his surf board, who then warmly smiled back at me and said,

‘Are you at the beginning or the end?’ Which now thinking about it was probably far less profound and far more likely inspired by my sweaty and rosy complexion! But anyway, I thought for a second and then replied,

‘Somewhere in the middle…’ and off I ran.

I thought not only about my answer but also about his question and what it meant in a broader sense. I thought about the previous day, where I found myself sprinting past a beach that I had visited once before, just over 5 years ago, when beautiful Andy had surprised me with a week away for the three of us, prior to little Indigos arrival.

I looked down at the beach and thought back to a tiny little Jesse red, running in and out of the waves, squealing with delight, as Andy’s big strong hands lifted him safely out of the water. As I stopped to re live this special little memory, the familiar pain in my chest and lump in my throat that would have usually stopped me in my tracks, were strangely absent and there is was, for the first time ever since loosing Andy, I experienced the opportunity to feel the sheer beauty of the moment without the harshness of reality biting into my side , like a Great White. I had finally reached a point in my journey through grief, where my feet had touched the shores and I could stand up by myself and look at the ocean in wonder, instead of drowning in the sheer immensity of it all.

……and there was my magic moment, the actual realisation of where I was in my life, my whole life,  not at the beginning, nor at the end, but somewhere wonderfully in the middle, with almost a whole life time of possibility ahead.

Back in Sydney, metaphorically speaking, there are lots of things cooking in the kitchen, that will be served up at February’s table, that will add a whole new flavour to Maybe McQueen and far across the ocean in the US, there are an incredible team of people working tirelessly in a combined effort to complete the Be Here Now documentary that will, when the time is right not only share a story to honour the legacy of an exceptionally beautiful soul but will also be an incredible resource for those wanting to explore the opportunity of a fearless existence.

So as you role out your new year be sure to stop and look for all the magic moments and all insightful ‘Aha’s’ that can easily be missed by sprinting so fast forward that you neglect to see the little beach on your right…