Sooner rather than later…

By On · 36 Comments · In blog

Women talk, always have and always will. They talk about life, love, challenge, girly things, their female bits, their boyfriends, their aspirations and everything in between. As a woman who not only talks a great deal, but who has chosen to share some of her most intimate, personal and life changing experiences for everyone to read, I feel it is high time to discuss, invite and inspire a bit of healthy banter between the boys….

I have been doing some of my own research amongst many of the men I know, from the local barista, successful actors, retired professional athletes and a whole range more, and whilst they are all of different ages and levels of fitness, every one of them agreed that they would only ever discuss their health in terms of sports or any related injuries.

They also agreed that if they where worried about something, they would only ever discuss it with a health professional, most of them also confessing that unless there was something really ‘wrong’ they wouldn’t even discuss it with their spouses, girlfriends or wives.

As the newly appointed Hollywood hotshot, sporting not only a six pack worthy of a Men’s Health cover, but a face that would have anyone cross the road just to take a closer look, my husband Andy Whitfield was the last person that you would ever expect to have world war three going on within his body.

It took months of physio appointments, chiropractors and finally one personal trainer to suggest that Andy should explore the cause of the pain, instead of just trying to fix it. After six months of pain and one man who was willing to entertain the idea that health meant more than how you looked like on the outside, he finally got an x ray and complete check- up. Then, to our horror, he was diagnosed with stage four cancer.

However strong, kind, handsome or successful he may have been, and despite fathering two beautiful little children and having a life that looked like a fairytale come true, at aged just 39, the father of two gorgeous kids and a totally adored son, brother and friend, my awesome partner in crime, passed away.

So what I am really interested in is how to prevent this happening to you, yes you….! I am not necessarily asking you to spend the evening detailing the trip to the doctors, having your walnuts checked out or even asking you to go have your prostate explored by a rubber glove, but goodness knows, if we as girls can endure the ‘find a happy place’ state of mind for our yearly smear tests in our commitment to live long and prosper, you can surely do something that supports awareness around men’s health. Even if it just means owning up that you haven’t been feeling 100 per cent lately. News flash – we’d rather hold your hand while you get your walnuts squeezed than be rubbing gel into your hemorrhoids because the Chemo is making your bum swell!

It’s up to you to start showing a little more respect to the guys that take responsibility for staying well, instead of just honoring the guys for whom it is just too late. Think about it, talk about it and make it ok to choose life!

If you would like further information or support please visit the Cancer Council, in true Aussie, ‘say it how it is’ style: www.shitmatesdontsay.com

 

 

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  • Susana Gabaldón Infante

    Vashti   gorgeous post , thank you!!!! XXX

  • Jen

    This is such a generous and loving post Vashti – thank you for giving your time and profile to this cause.

  • Sally T.

    My brother-in-law was in agony for 4 months with severe stomach pains before he saw a doctor to have his NHL diagnosed. And his wife is a 3-time cancer survivor and even she couldn’t convince him to go earlier. C’mon boys…admitting you might need help is a sign of strength, not weakness! Poignant post, Vashti.

  • Caroline

    I hope there will be more attention for this subject. Thanks for starting that, Vashti!

  • Keira-Lee

    walnuts, rubber gloves, happy place, smear, walnuts again and to end it all (pun intended) hemorrhoids…?!?!?
    Awesome post Vashti, thank you.
    Now …. we all need to poke our significant males to read this and start talking nuts, and other bits!!

  • Rivke

    Wonderful post Vashti. Oddly enough two conversations come to mind when thinking about the openness of men regarding their health.

    I was talking to a 19yr old gymnast on Tuesday and we had a wonderful discussion about bowel movements and whilst I felt a little awkward I thought it was great that he felt confident enough to talk to me about it and even discuss the issue off constipation. Yes WEIRDEST conversation to have with a young boy. LOL.

    And then another which is not so nice, I once had a discussion with my husband about men’s health after the death of actor from prostate cancer and to my utter shock my husband told me he would rather not know until it’s too late and just die than go and get a prostate exam. I don’t think I have ever been more disappointed in him. He said “I have life insurance so you don’t ever need to worry.” Like WTF? 0.O

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=749269663 Christopher Brown

    <3 "Like" I'm committed to spread and share some healthy banter between the boys….

  • Tanja

    Dear Vashti,

    what a great post. I hope people pay attention to it, especially the men among us!

  • Susan_Mangan

    Excellent post Vashti.  Working in a hospital that deals predominantly with cancer patients I’ve seen way too many go way too soon.  So come on boys, time to face the fear, and start talking. It’s just too important not to!!

    • S Mangan

       Me again!

      Have just watched a chat show here in Dublin where one of the male guests talked about how he had lumps on his testicles for FOUR months before he went to a Doctor, at which point the cancer had spread to his lung and his brain.  He survived, but was EXTREMELY lucky to do so.

      So in an effort to get men more active in their health the host of the show asked all the men on the panel and all the men in the audience to stand up, turn their backs to the camera, put their hands down their pants  and check their “walnuts” then and there – AND  THEY DID!!

      Lets just hope that those that did find something go to the bloody doctor tomorrow…..

  • Kristin

    Poignantlysaid Vashti. Why is it such a cultural taboo? I applaud you and the Cancer Council NSW and its campaign “Shit Mates Don’t Say” to bring light to the subject. It IS time for men to start talking about their health. I have 2 sons…that’s where I’ll start. Thank you for all you do and share…esp. when it’s a matter so close to your heart.  Adoring picture~

  • Rspiroff

    Very well stated!!!
    My brother was 54 when his nagging headache, and “toothache” finally could not be pushed aside anymore. 
    May 14, 2009 diagnosed with brain cancer, July 26, 2009 he passed, leaving behind his 11 year old son. 
     

  • Beth Forrester

    Thankfully the years Ive seen my boyfriend go from blowing off the Dr. to going to the Dr. when he feels something is wrong right away. I am rubbing off on him! But I have to say Andy’s illness and passing way too soon had a profound effect on his outlook on his health……YES, strong, healthy looking young men can get sick! As with everyone else, he couldn’t believe strong, young, super physically fit Andy could be stricken with cancer. Because of this I know he would go to the Dr. asap if he didn’t feel well and recommend to a friend who wasn’t feeling well to go to the Dr., he already has!  To me I think most men don’t talk about health issues or pain because it’s not seen as ‘manly’. It’s OK men, don’t worry about your ego better to talk about it and find out what is if anything is wrong. Thank you for this important reminder Vashti,  and lets get men to know it’s OK to talk about their health, it just might save their life!

  • Serenina F89

    Beautiful pic Vashti.
    C’mon boys, guys, mens , grandfathers, husbands, uncles.. DO IT. We are here to help you. 
    Admitt it…

    Love
    Serena

  • Pollykor

    Unfortunately, men are irresponsible and weak in matters of health. Ambition and cowardice – that’s what makes them tick. My husband, apparently, prefers to die too, because he doesn’t want to go to doctors. What should we do after, his family? I don’t know how to get him to do it, because he does not think about us.((

  • Cazza C

    My partner almost died, had a tear in his heart, didn’t know ‘cus he ignored the symptoms.

    I cant nag him to be responsible for his own health, I think this scare shook him up, he stopped smoking.

  • Fnizienski

    I am going to make sure Everyman that I know will read this article. Come on guys, be a real man and get yourself checked out. We love you and want you to love yourself enough to make that appointment and find the time to make sure that you will be here for us. Don’t wait until its too late! Thanks Vashti for talking about Men’s health and getting in their faces about it. Love you and your courage!

  • Irena

    Fortunately all my guys are covered…I’m the doctor in the house and they know I’ll talk about and check out ANYTHING…even my sons friends aren’t afraid to ask stuff…
    BUT, to you other guys out there: take note!!!  It doesn’t make  you look weak to admit that something doesn’t quite feel OK or that something worries you, it only makes you look human.  And guess what?  That is no surprise.  We already KNOW!!

  • Alexiscarril

    Bravo!  It only gets better.  I will bring it up with my bro – he will have to share!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/JamesRichardJohnson Richard Rick Johnson

    Men are terrible at getting annual check ups….THAT must change. Obviously lifestyle changes are needed in many cases BUT they must have the gonads to have an annual going over…which includes the PSA and actual prostate exam. The over 50 crowd should be having their stool examined every other year as well. It doesn’t take much and it can make a world of difference. 

  • Mindy B

    That’s powerful Vashti, read this out to my husband last night, this lead to us having a healthy discussion about men’s health. You are making a difference! Love your work have an awesome day x

  • Simona

    Cara Vashti,
    grande argomento.
    I nostri adorati maschietti sono stati allevati ad essere forti e a non dimostrare debolezze ne tantomeno piangere.
    “Non frignare come una femminuccia!! Sii uomo!!”
    Ma perchè ? Non hanno un cuore, un’anima sensibile, una dolcezza infinita e soprattutto un amor proprio anche loro?
    Gli ameremo forse di meno se imparassero prima ad amare se stessi??
    Credo proprio di no anzi conoscere al più presto la malattia serve a curarsi meglio!!
    Un Abbraccio.
    Simona
     

  • Debbie

    I would be nice if guys were savvy and cool about taking real care of themselves, i.e., from the inside out.  But mostly, they’re not.  So it’s up to us to be watch and notice the little (and big) changes, and them ask, coerce, threaten them into action.  Case in point, my husband was showing signs of heart or lung problems.  He went in for an exam, and they did a stress test.  He passed the test and was told to come back in two years.   He came home, said “See, honey, I’m fine.”  I said, “Get a second opinion or get a divorce lawyer, take your pick.”  I am not know for my subtlety.  Okay, they do an angiogram.  The doctor (same one who said come back in two years) comes out and tells me, “Your husband needs a five-way heart bypass and a new heart valve.  We can do the surgery Monday, he SHOULD be fine until then.”  Bottom line is, if something is not right, get it checked.  And be satisfied with the result.  If your guy won’t do it himself, nudge him.  That little ultimatum 12 years paid off, hubby is still here.  And yes, I am still nagging him.   

  • Susana Matos Nunes

    This is in did an important subject… My husband is sensible to this because my mother in law had already win cancer two times! She found out the two times because the regular tests she made every year. The last have possibilities to pass for their children so he make some tests a few months and everything is ok. We alert because of my niece too, as you know she went throw a leucemia and we alert to the symptoms (ganglia changed, bruising in any part of the body, parelesia a body part, such as facial) for any of us.
    He have a work friend who win a lymphoma, type “T”; after look for many doctors because a enormous pain on the back and the most called him weak for not withstand a little pain. Thank one doctor the lymphoma was find out and despite he say goodbye to his wife and kid, he was subjected to autotransplantation, and survive to tell his story.
    Hope we all can pass the message to men on the world and minimize this problem.
    I admire your courage, your strenght and your attitude and support it and you as much as I can!
    With all respect, love and admiration Let you with a kiss
    X and for your babies too XX
    Susana

  • Michael d’Estries

    Thanks, Vashti. My wife was actually mentioning the other day that I should go and get something checked out. I completely forgot about it, but your post reminded (and inspired) me not to wait. Appreciate the message. 

  • tmaurer

    My brother worked in contruction all his life, he liked to party and he loved the women.  After weeks of working with a severe soar throat, which he thought was strep throat, I finally convinced him to go to the doctor.  Jan of 2008 he was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer.  He had surgery to remove most of the cancer on Feb 8, then aggressive rounds of radiation and chemotherapy.  My brother John went from 210lbs to 120 lbs in 10 months, he passed away in his sleep Dec 6, 2008 aged 45.  We miss him so.  If only he had went to the doctor for a yearly check up, we believe he would still be with us today.

  • Madeleine

    YES!!!! come on guys! If you need to know how to get to the “HAPPY PLACE” we females will be more than willing to help you out……so PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for directions! 

  • Renaldo Cabelo

    thank you Vashti to share it with us…Best Regards.  Renaldo Jacomo from Brazil.

  • Mjoy Harvest

    I am a Naturopath, have a B.S. in Nursing, and found a lump on my dear husband’s breast, back in 2000. I knew immediately what this lump was, but my husband dismissed me as a hysterical medic, with a knee-jerk, intrinsic illness radar which he told me, worked overtime at finding disease where none exists. After all, men don’t get breast cancer, right. One year later, we were at the doc’s office because my husband had to get a routine sick-note for his work. I made him show the doc the breast tumor he had, which had grown. My husband did not want to show the doc his breast! The doc referred my husband to a surgeon, and the second we left the office, my husband tore up the referral! My husband, being a very fit athlete, believed he was healthly, and that was over-reacting. On my birthday, in April 2005, my husband came back from a run saying he must have swallowed a bug, while running in the woods. I noticed he had inspiratory stridor, which is bad…really bad. I knew for 5 years he must have had breast cancer, and now it had spread to his lungs. He had never gone to the surgeon nor saw any kind of doc. I had watched, over the years, the tumour grow, then ulcerate, and this man refused to go to doc! So, here it was April 2005, and my husband now looked concerned because his breathing was affected. As it was my birthday, my husband asked me for any wishes I had. I literally got on my knees and begged him to go to the doctor’s office, and he did just that, immediately. Yes, the docs found out my husband had stage 4, male breast cancer. He died on 10-10-2010. If my husband had gone to his doctor immediately, after I found the teeny-tiny lump, back in 2000, he would have had a better chance at recovery. It took me five years of begging, before my husband would agree to what he must have sensed. Now he is gone, and I mourn his beautiful self. So, I could really relate to this post. Thank you for writing it!
    Mary

  • Ldeba54725

    Great post,Vashti. 
    I still haven’t been able to figure out why it is so darn hard to get a man to even go get a yearly blood test! For years I’ve been trying to figure out the “real”, (hidden ?) reason behind the irrational stubbornness they all seem to display..I’ve come to the conclusion that,somehow, it simply must be a primitive kind of FEAR or something else totally illogical: They can display all sorts of bravery  fighting, climbing mountains, going into outer space,etc, but unless they have a woman to almost physically DRAG them, they will not summon up enough courage to cross the threshold of a doctor’s office.. .It is beyond all logic and reason.. Would that we could find a way to get  some sense into their heads before they find it too late!Again,thanks for the post, Vashti..I’m going to save it to show all the male members of the family!

  • Joanna

    Thank you Vashti! You’re doing very important and great job – you teach us how to take care about our men’s health.  I signed my man to complete checkup. Of course he’s angry with me because he “doesn’t need such a checkup” :) He’s 40. We have two little children. Thank you once again! Best wishes to you and your little ones!
    (sorry about my english, I’ve learned it at school 20 years ago and almost never used, I live in Poland, west europe)

  • Thagios

    Vashti, I have been trying to contact you for a while now. My name is Joseph Giorgenti, I am a combat veteran of the United States Army. I can’t explain why but, your husband has touched my life in a remarkable way. Maybe it is because I am also a loving husband and father of two, or perhaps it is his portrayl of Spartacus and the way he attacked his illness headon. It is his willingness to fight that I respect and believe that maybe his story touches my heart so deeply because like all true warriors he shares what we call in combat soldiers the “warriors ethos” I can not explain this at all and do not want to seem weird, but I think about your husbands situation every single day. I feel for you and your family as if I’ve known you my whole life. And so I would like your permission to get the “Be here now” tattoo in the exact same place as Andy, as a tribute from one warrior to another. I feel like it is something you and your husband shared and so I seek your permission first. Thank You for your time and God Bless. You may contact me at thagios@yahoo.com

  • Natalie

    Vashti, I look forward to your posts every week, you are a remarkable, strong woman.  They have started re runs of Spartacus again, it is like opening wounds again. I feel so sad and cry but have to watch our warrier, he was so magnificent, looked so healthy but as they say Looks can be deceiving, I would love to see you in the morning shows telling your story, you would, I’m sure encourage these Men and Women to get themselves checked out.  

  • Sdbanks24

    I so admire your continuing efforts Vashti.  I have shared this link as well in an effort to get more of us men talking and getting ourselves checked out before it is past the point of too late.  Thank you for all of your commitment!

  • CoastalGirl

    Very well said Vashti! Life is too precious not to try and make it the best that it can be, and your health is a very important aspect of that!

  • Gavin Danker

    Thank you Vashti. :) (But good luck getting us to talk about our walnuts! Unless we’re bragging, we just… can’t! We’re the Guys, The Dudes, the strong ones, always, forever! But… well… Andy was so admirable… and your love of him is so apparent… and if HE could do it…. Crap! My gears are grinding!)  Thanks for making me consider pride.
    Never met ya, but love ya just the same,
    Gavin