This morning I received an e – mail from a dear friend of mine. I met her over a decade ago and to this day I will never forget the vivid blue eyes, fixed on me as I delivered a seminar on Life Coaching. You know the feeling you get that, when you meet someone and from deep inside, whole- heartedly, you know that they are going to be in your life and have a profound effect on the choices you make.

She then became a client and we worked together to explore and reflect on her creativity, her relationships and what she wanted from the next chapter of her life, having recently had all her children leave home and her husband temporarily absent, whilst he battled successfully, with the notion of retirement.

For my entire life I have always aspired to being older, from a young age I remember getting a marker pen and drawing a cleavage on, which looked like I had spilled something down my front, but to me it signified being sexy and womanly. From around age 12, I didn’t look at the prettiest girls in school and wish for long straight blonde hair, but focused on changing my outfits to look more like the 30 something, cool mums, in my parents circle.

At our weekly sessions I would look at my blue eyed 50+, beautiful, wise friend and think to myself how exciting to know that one day when my children have grown up, just as they are leaving home, Andy and I will be also leaving the nest, to ride motorbikes through Mongolia, get caught in a Japanese blossom storm or be driving off -road for days, to find the prefect wave, etc, etc, etc…

Over the last 10 years my friend and I meet up to about twice a year to catch up on life and every time, it is filled with stories of her and her husband of 30 yrs, latest adventures, skiing in the dead of night, to cross the French border, biking, walking, hitchhiking around Japan and more recently, sadly and tenderly, supporting her own parents in preparing for their next chapter.

It is such a tremendous gift to have friends who are at a different age and a different place from you. The ones that inspire you, through their own life experiences, to preview forward to the exciting times that may lay ahead.

The last 10 years for me, have been an amazing decade of births, deaths and marriages, with a large portion of ‘extraordinary’ thrown in there for good measure and whilst my travelling companion may have exited a little early, my plans, for once my nest has emptied, have not changed.

So here are just a few things for me to begin mastering NOW, from my ready-  to-  role 50 +, empty nest, time to migrate, Andy Whitfield, legacy fulfilling, bucket list.

1.Ride and fix up a motorbike

2.change a tyre on any vehicle

3.Surf well enough to go anywhere and give it a try

4.Speaking fluent French and Spanish

5.Play the piano anyplace, anywhere

6.Painting confidently in oils

7.Study midwifery

8.Write and photograph like a NG journalist

9.Able to build a fire anywhere

10.Have one grounding but powerful martial art under my black belt……..etc

 

  • Mush

    Wow!!!

  • Sally T.

    Your # 10 is on my list too and at 45, after struggling through kung fu classes for 10 years with people half my age, I was asked to teach by my Sifu. I train primarily in wing chun but I also lion dance and practice qi kung. Your list is fantastic and totally doable…so many great things to learn! 

  • Sarah

    Again such a nice story. Made me think i wanna have an older friend too. But indeed i have. Got to know her when i was 14 (am 22 now) and she was 40+.  She was a friend and sometimes also a mother figure with whom  could do things that i couldn’t do with my mother. I lost sight of her when she moved to another city. She had problems with her former husband. He treated her bad. About 2 years ago I found her on Facebook :) . Unfortunately we have not much contact because she lives quite a bit away from me and she has much business with her new life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360603958 Christine Hawkins

    Thank you , again Vashti.  I have kept lists for the past thirty  five years, always amazed at what I can accomplish.  Two medical issues  threw me off for a few years as you  fight just to make it through your day and get physically back to what you once were.   Your post reminded me that there are other things I can be working on so I am back on my list.  And I can now cross off, entering a comment on a blog/facebook page.  Whew that was easy….now on to figure out what Pinetrest is……..  
    PS  I think you got half of 8 and 1 done already!

  • Claire Abbott

    My to do list consists of the following:
    1: Finish my diploma in Nursing
    2: Work as a Nurse in Australia as that was always my dream
    3: I also want to learn how to surf, just to experience that feeling of being at one with Mother Nature
    4: To get to travel the world & to not worry that I’m far from home
    5: To find that place wherever it may be in the world that feels like I’m finally home
    6: To live life to the fullest whatever age I am

    My lifes mantra – Live Laugh Love

  • http://twitter.com/Crixacus Levi

    you know, I never knew Andy, and so I really won’t presume to relate to you or this list as much as say maybe his sister would, but when he died, I felt something click in my head, as if something was saying, “hey, ass, look at how ungrateful you are being, wasting away your life, moping about what happened and what didn’t happen, instead of just trekking on and being a man about your business.”  and ever since, I just keep trying to be the kind of person he was. Daring, gentle, inspiring. And so I have a list too, of things that I HAVE to do, because I kid you not Vashti, I think of that man everyday, and remember to be grateful that I am still here, and the best way I can show it, is to stop moping and start DOING. Just like Andy, the truest Champion there ever was.

  • Laura

    I’ve written out my list–there’s plenty that I would like to learn how to do!–but for some reason I still have the problem of seeing these things done/being done “in the future”, and this makes me put them off for the future. I need to start thinking of them “in the NOW”! (I noticed this when I had typed up my list and then saved it on my computer, tucked away in some file entitled Laura. Wait–why am I saving it for later? When will I reopen it?) I just keep seeing other less important but more immediate things to distract myself with. Suggestions on making these goals more present, more immediate? Should I start with smaller ones instead?

  • Beth Forrester

    What a super cool and adventurous bucket list! Thinking this a list you and Andy came up with together?  Vashti, your inspiring blog and words has given me a kick in the arse to get it in gear and stop wasting precious time…..instead, putting the wheels in motion to do and pursue the things I’ve thought about for a long time. No time like the present to get started! Thanks for sharing your incredible bucket list, and I have no doubts a woman who is as driven as you will achieve each and every one of them, and then some!

  • Ana

    Vashti you’re a great inspiration for me, thank you for what you write …
    Greetings from Mexico!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Диляна-Константинова/1781290856 Диляна Константинова

    Good luck and go ahead!

  • Diana Ioana Gheorghe

     Vashti you’re a great inspiration for me, thank  you  so much for what you write ..

  • Krissy

    I could probably write lists for a living. I have lists for this, lists for that and also for the other. I am known for lists. But have a got a bucket list. No. They’ve always been for other people, people different from myself, people with different lives, people who aren’t as busy as I am. Who am I trying to kid?! I’m no different to anyone else, am I? My time could be up at any minute – and what will I think then?  Thanks Vashti, you’ve done it again! Xxx

  • Dilyana Konstantinova

    Good Day!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cátia-Silva/100003812625298 Cátia Silva

    Hi Vashti. Having the spectroum of cancer on my family thought me to never leave for tomorrow what you can do now. My list of things to do are travel around the world, on boat and safari; get married and have children. But for now I’m doing the first one. Travelling through the Mediterranean, visiting France, meeting interesting people on Souk in Tunisia. Also important to know my oun country, Portugal. The only part of it that I don’t know is the interior north, but will stop being so this summer.
    I hope that you finish your list. XX from Portugal.

  • Sandrine Elie

    I have not already made ​​my list……. there are so many things I would do!
     Learning to riding a horse , and then gallop on a deserted beach!the wind in your hair, breath away!!! There are so   many other things i’d like to do  but , where can I find time ??? 24 hours in a day, this is not enough!!There is something for which I can help you Vashti: I can learn to you to speak French!! (I’m French hi hi hi!) Lesson number one: “Je m’appelle Vashti” (My name is Vashti)… :D
     I’m kidding but I’m sure you will get to do all the things on your list, you’re a woman so amazing, so strong, so incredible …. If one day, children and you just take a ride in France, I would be very proud to welcome you in my humble home! Who knows, may be one day … ;-D

  • Elena

    Yes!! Your Posts, Vashti, are all an inspiration. You have made me to do several things that I wanted to but I’d never done. Well, to be exact, it was your husband who began inspiring me, really!!! I don’t know exactly why, but, the first time I saw some late pictures where Andy was riding his bike, I swear I don’t know if it was the expression on his face or the fact he wasn’t already among us by that time, it made me to feel the need of riding my bike, that bike that my husband and I bought six years ago. I was able to pass my bike exam but not to ride it through the city… And those pictures were the “push” that I needed to wonder why not me?? Why couldn’t I ride my beautiful Honda across the traffic as other thousands people do? So, I proposed it and I have achieved now!! And I feel proud of me, and my husband too!! Another thing you have inspired me to do is telling my life: I’ve started writing a blog called “the madness of living every day (La locura de vivir cada día)”, and I tell the crazy thing of living with 4 children. Of course this is made focus to my family and friends but, it was a thing I was afraid: being criticized, judged, read (OMG)!!! Now I have overcome those fears and some others like sing in front of my coworkers, and even thing of going out to sing at a public “jam session” with a friend of mine next Saturday. I may not make it perfect, of course, but at least I have overcome the fear of criticism… And I continue working on it. My next goal is begin to meet more people, doesn’t matter where, when or why… I want to meet people that can enrich my life… now that I can’t doing great things like travelling or studying or something that would stole too long while my kids are little, I am content with this things…

  • Ramonita

    You are so inspiring and such a strong human being.  To have that kind of strength and continue to live life to the fullest is amazing and wonderful!! I always say that being positive makes each day easier no matter what you are going through in life. I am also in my late thirties and my husband and I always talk about retiring age.  My kids are 19, 14 and 8, I had them very young.  We will be retiring within the next 20 yrs and we are looking forward to it.  We have never had any time alone because we had our first daughter so young.  Retiring and the kids out of the nest will be a new experience for us and we are looking forward to traveling and having  some alone time.  Our marriage has not been easy but I am proud to say that we have made it this far, 21 yrs together, 3 wonderful kids and only great and wonderful adventures ahead of us!!! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shirley-Mortimer/660990650 Shirley Mortimer

    Gorgeous photo of you Vashti.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspiring me to do more with my life. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shirley-Mortimer/660990650 Shirley Mortimer

    Gorgeous photo of you Vashti.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspiring me to do more with my life. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818507821 Patricia J Tibbits

    I have a “Bucket List” but too scared to write it down…. Never know what life can throw at you. I start a list and I’m 35, under a lot of stress, I have so many fears of leaving my kids, that I just want to spend as much time with my children as I can and  do ALL I can with them and do what THEY want to do… Plus it’s hard being a single mom, who just lost her job to do what my kids want to fo with me, go to a water park, an amusement park, go to a log cabin and camp out, go visit family in Georgia, etc,  etc..and I can’t do that now.  So no bucket list for me maybe I’ll share what’s FIRST on my list: Make my kids happy & give them the life they deserve. 

  • Susana Matos Nunes

    I never thought about doing a list, at least on paper…. And don’t know If I should or want to do it!? Since my niece disease I retry planing…. Of course not tottaly but in many ways. You let me think about it…… Thank you Vashti!
    Just curiouse, what to you mean about “fix up a motorbike”?
    About that, today I go for a ride with a friend of mine,(thank him for trusting me to ride on my back) on a Suzuki Bandit 600….. If I just had a proped helmet…. It was large and everytime I speed it up almost get my head off!!! But it rock’s!!! it’s been to many time since I ride Bandit, just using her to teach other people!
    How does it work in there? People go for school to take a licence?
    If you like, with the biggest respect, as a teacher in the area, I don’t mind at all to give you some tips….. Just name it!
    Kisses, Susana

  • Bonniebonniebon

    Motivated and inspired once again!! I have no doubt that you will complete all you set out to accomplish Vashti.xx

  • http://www.facebook.com/sweet.angel.cyan Lois Salvatore Whitfield

    I am an english teacher for latinamerican speakers. so i can help you iwth the spanish learning any time you decide!!!
    just hit me up

  • Alexiscarril

    Thanks again, after reading this – I am actually really, for the first time, thinking of my list.  ;)

  • Kristinlennon

    Your inspiration is contageous. I’m pulled to your blogs… to see how you are thinking and what kind of things you are experiencing. I’ve needed to look at my life’s circumstances in a different light and your comments provide a fresh new way (even when life does not go how we think it should go)… a new perspective! As my mind has been conditioned to think one way…your approach to life sort of redirects my thoughts toward something that I could actually try and look forward to!

  • Barbara

    Vashti you are a wonderful woman … your strength and your joy of living envelop all the people who come in contact with you. I thank you ’cause you have spurred me not to stop with my problems, but I started to love myself more and to open my soul and help those in need … a big hug for you and a big smile, love Barbara fromVerona (Italy) the city of Romeo and Juliet <3

  • Renée

    Stick to your plan and keep up the writing!! I love your blog cause it’s so encouraging, down to earth and funny! True inspiration. Love from Holland X Renée

  • Laura

    Love it Vashti! ♥

  • Kiri

    Reading your blog is one of the most inspiring things I have done in a long time. Andy was lucky to have you and vice versa. Such positivity in the face of crisis literally makes my heart burst.  I know you will achieve everything you set your mind to as just from this blog I can tell what a dedicated really rather amazing person you are.  Thanks for making my day with your beautiful writing, photos and motivation xxx