Today I had the pleasure of working with an amazing man, an incredibly talented artist and designer. I have known him for over a decade and have been coaching him for nearly 2 months, out of the 6 we have agreed upon. He approached me to work with him directly after his 40th birthday, after the mother of all parties and an emotional crash that hit so hard, that the collision with his own sense of failure, felt not only irreparable but temporarily paralyzed his ability to drag himself out of his own personal cloud of despair.
Over the years he has built up an extraordinary ability to prevent himself moving forward by focusing very successfully and with such determination on all his ‘failings’. His failings of all the things he had placed so much expectation on having, reaching and attaining by, ‘that certain time’ which if we are really honest with ourselves, we all have mentally marked out at some stage on our own personal life calendar of what ‘should’ happen somewhere and some point, past, present and future.
‘I should have been there by now….I should be in a long term relationship by now, my business should have been successful, I should have been discovered by now….I should be a dad by now…21, 30, 40, 50 years old….etc etc etc’
Every time we began trying to define what he most wanted he would immediately get side tracked by the disappointment of not yet being there. But what he hadn’t realized was that this was also his default ‘excuse’ strategy for NOT taking any actions towards what he really wanted in his life. So around and around we went until finally we stopped and put all our energy into exploring and reflecting what he had achieved, what in fact had got in the way for him in achieving his long list of ‘should haves’ and most importantly what existing structures were ever present in his life, that would continue his holding pattern, of going round and round in circles. By doing these three exercises he was able to acknowledge himself, own his part in sabotaging his life and give him the awareness and choice to see where and how HE and no one else was responsible for the continuum of things not eventuating the way he expected them to.
So here is what the real problem was and indeed is for so many of us. Our focus is all directed towards our FEAR and then the fear in its magnitude, not only directs but hijacks our daily thoughts, feelings and actions and lastly and most destructive of all without a view on the horizon that compels us to see beyond the ‘what if’ our fear then of course becomes our reality!
We are ALL fearful about the ‘what if’s’ but if you are willing to take and make the time to define what it is you most want and then invest a little energy into bringing it to life so that you can see it just enough to believe it. Then and only then will the actions that you need to take become tangible and achievable enough for you to respectfully acknowledge your fear and then powerfully step beyond it, embracing all of your potential and stepping right up to the table ready to ask for MORE!
Just like the new movie Rise of The Guardians, a great kids movie, which is all about the rise of the Boogeyman, the bringer of nightmares, as he orchestrates the fall of all the wonderful things that children believe in like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy etc. As the kids begin fearing their nightmares, so then feeding the demise of their belief in all that brings joy and happiness, so sees the victory of fear as their new paradigm. We all need to believe in something that is meaningful, inspiring and purposeful to us, to enable a focus that is bigger than our fear.
The breakthrough with my client was about highlighting what he wanted and NOT what he feared and then turning it into an attainable, measurable and inspiring set of goals, with just enough creative, descriptive and visual manifestation that on the days his fear felt stronger than his passion, he was able to remind himself of what he REALLY believed in.
As the kids say in the movie:
We all believe in the Boogeyman, we are just no longer afraid of him.
Share the love and post what you have used to manifest and create great things in this year so far! What have been your methods, tools, inspirations, mantra’s, structures that have facilitated your moving through and beyond the fearful part of yourself.